Three's a Crowd
by GrandeVanillaSkimLatte
Summary: Sirius has been given a week to decide between Hermione and Ginny but it would seem luck is not on his side. Features hysterical blindness, an odd love triangle, an angry pureblood and a giggling werewolf. HermioneSiriusGinny.
1. The Black Ultimatum

**Three's A Crowd**

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Chapter One – The Black Ultimatum

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It was barely dawn on an overcast Tuesday morning in September when a shrill scream was heard all over number 12 Grimmauld Place waking not only it's occupants but the ones that had lived their previously.

This shrill scream which was more like a harpy's shriek (an opinion established much later when the full extent of its reason was revealed) practically shook the foundations of the most Noble and Ancient House of Black and it defiantly left its sole heir quacking in his boots, if he had been wearing them at the time.

As it were the man in question was merely draped in a black silk sheet that barely covered his vitals, not that it mattered since he would soon be loosing said appendage if the infuriated woman in his room had her way. Sirius Black decided to take the route most beneficial to his future health and wisely backed away from the now two women who looked like they were going to tear him to pieces.

Hermione Granger didn't know who she wanted to kill first, the silk clad Black or the naked Ginny Weasley. The former not even trying to cover herself as she too turned her wrath on the man who was soon to become a eunuch. Sirius's brain registered that he had made a very big mistake in messing with the two witches but his other brain, the one that lay a little further south and tended to do most of the thinking was of a different opinion and it couldn't help but respond to the raw fury now directed at him.

Despite being scared witless for his safety and that of his most favourite body part he was still very much turned on. After all he had a naked red-head and an almost naked (hell he could see right through the little number she was wearing) bookworm in his room. Any other time he would consider himself a very lucky man, but he didn't think they would appreciate that outlook very much right now.

"Ladies …" he drawled giving them his most charming smile which caused them both to scowl.

"Don't you try those cheap tricks Sirius Black. A cheesy grin and a few silky words aren't going to get you out of this mess" Hermione growled between clench teeth, her fists bunching at her sides one of them gripping her wand so hard he saw her knuckles turn white. He could almost imagine the pain of that vice like grip if it got a hold of something else – that something else being the thing that had gotten him into trouble in the first place.

"You have got some explaining to do Black" Ginny agreed finding a green g-string among the remaining bed clothes and slipping into them, not that she was any more decent infact the look only served to turn him on more as memories of the night before and exactly what she had done with that little piece of fabric made his little problem into a big problem. The two women began to advance on him each had their wands drawn ready to hex him to the other side of Christmas.

"Come now – let's be reasonable about this" his voice quivering slightly as the danger to his person increased. He continued to back away until his back hit the door frame; he never took his eyes off the two who were now sporting almost identical expressions, the blood lust evident in their glinting eyes. He was suddenly taken off guard when he tripped on the bed sheet and fell through the doorway onto his backside.

What happened next could be described as a symphony of sound as hexes were thrown; insults were swapped and details that should never be revealed in public were announced all with Mrs Black's portrait providing back up vocals to the tune of archaic pureblood slogans from the corridor by the front entrance.

Sirius copped the brunt of it as the witches unleashed their fury for a good quarter of an hour and the rest of the multi-story house's occupants were treated to a rare show as the ex-convict was given the talking to of his lifetime, not being able to deny a single one of their accusations.

It was sometime later when they were all dressed and sitting around the large kitchen table that had served them for years as the Order of the Phoenix's conference room that the full extent of the situation was revealed.

"So let me get this straight, you have been seeing Ginny behind Hermione's back and vice versa? And this has been going on for almost a year; I'm surprised it took you that long to be discovered" his godson commented looking like he was trying not to laugh and really only holding it in for the sake of the two still very angry witches sitting on opposite ends of the table who looked close to wiping out the entire male population.

"Honestly Black, couldn't you keep it in your pants?" Draco Malfoy asked sitting down beside Harry and handing him a coffee with a brief kiss on the cheek.

"Can you?" Sirius retorted watching the exchange still unable to understand what his godson saw in the insufferable albino pureblood. Draco was about to respond with another snide remark when Remus interrupted the pointless exchange.

"The point is its out now and there is nothing that is going to change the fact that you messed up – again" Sirius hated it when the werewolf gave him that disappointed look, it made him feel like he was back at school and he had just been caught doing something he shouldn't do; which had been practically everyday if he recalled correctly. The Animagus gave a heavy sigh and turned to look at Hermione who had her arms folded over her chest and her head turned away; refusing to look him in the eye.

"Listen 'Mione baby I'm sorry …" he began

"Yeah sorry you got caught" she muttered darkly. He turned to the petite red head at the other end of the table and she struck a similar pose.

"Gin sweetheart … I didn't mean to hurt you" he pleaded. She huffed delicately and turned to look at Hermione as if he had said nothing at all.

"You know none of this was our fault … infact I think he may have kept up his two-timing ways if you hadn't walked in this morning. Thanks Hermione" she told the brunette sincerely.

"That's ok, infact I'm glad I walked in on you two because I have to agree with you he would have kept this up for along time if I hadn't. We should make him pay for screwing us over" replied the bookworm. The men all shuddered as a slow grin formed on each of their lips and they turned back to the disgraced man.

"Sirius darling …" began Ginny in a sickly sweet voice.

"You have two choices …" Hermione joined in, her grin turning into a patronising smile which was mirrored by Ginny.

"You can have me …" Ginny continued fluttering her eyelashes slightly.

"Or you can have me. Its one or the other" Hermione finished for her standing up and moving around the table to stand by the other woman in a show of unity. He stared at them both for a moment trying to decide who he wanted more but his mind went blank as they linked arms before turning to leave the stunned kitchen, whispering for a few seconds before Hermione turned to him again and pierced him with a truly wicked grin.

"You have a week to decide. If you can't then you get neither of us" and with that said they left the kitchen the best of friends. Their laughter could be heard as they made their way back upstairs.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" Draco quipped with a chuckle taking a sip from his mug.

"Oh yes it does … its two witches scorned" Muttered Sirius banging his head on the table as the rest of the room laughed at him. With a sigh he got up and glared at them.

"This isn't funny" he growled slamming his hands on the table with enough force to spill the remaining contents of the mugs on it creating a mess that would have sent Molly Weasley into a fit had she been there. But she wasn't instead he had to deal with her daughter and the other woman she may as well have given birth to. This bought another realisation to mind – What was going to happen to him when the Weasley's found out? This more than anything spurred him to leave the kitchen in search of his lovers.

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	2. I Take Mine Black

I Take Mine Black

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Sirius took the stairs like a convicted man on the way to the gallows dreading what he would find when he reached the parlour. He could hear their laughter each as distinct as the other; Hermione's was crisp and when she laughed it was without reservation, an all out belly laugh. Ginny on the other hand took a more feminine approach to laughter and hers reminded him of delicate little bells, there was just the tiny matter of the snorts that she couldn't seem to suppress when she was particularly amused.

Sirius knew he was the subject of today's entertainment but he knew that if he didn't go to them straight away that it would make matters much worse for him in the romance department.

He paused on the opposite side of the wall and decided to gauge the situation before walking in; after all the two of them together could mean untold horrors especially for certain appendages that had gotten him into trouble in the first place.

"I don't know 'Mione" Ginny was saying hesitantly "Are you sure?"

"Of course Gin … it'll be good. Might be easier if you were between my legs though" Hermione responded and Sirius's eyes widened as he listened to Ginny move around.

"I've just never done it like this before" Ginny's sounded reluctant.

"Trust me you will love it; just tilt your head a little more … that's it" Hermione said. Her tone was obviously meant to reassure the other woman and it seemed to have worked as these words were followed by a brief silence.

"You can go a little harder you know" Ginny teased; breaking the silence.

"Are you sure … I don't want to hurt you" Hermione sounded worried.

"No I don't mind it a little rough" Ginny laughed but it was quickly turned into a moan "Oh Merlin Hermione you have magic fingers – where did you learn to do this?"

That was enough for Sirius he couldn't take it anymore; he straightened from the wall and took one deep breath before casually walking into the parlour. His relaxed easy going stance was short lived as he realised how very wrong he had been. Thinking he had been walking in on some girl on girl action between his two favourite women he was a little surprised to say the least to see Hermione doing Ginny's hair.

They barely spared him a glance before Hermione had her hands once again immersed Ginny's hair while the red head sat crossed legged on the floor between the others legs. They continued the conversation as if he wasn't there.

"Well I did share a dorm with Lavender and Parvati for seven years" Hermione laughed.

"I don't know how you survived" Ginny joined in. Sirius looked between the two more than a little perplexed.

"Sirius can you pass me that pen?" Hermione suddenly asked gesturing with one hand toward one of the small coffee tables where a crossword lay open. He picked it up and handed it to her sitting next to her on the worn leather couch watching her deft hands arrange the others hair. Her movements were precise and she never faltered in her task; he loved to watch her work imagine all the amazing things she could do with her hands. Whether it be spell or potions work, cooking or cleaning or things like doing her hair or making coffee he couldn't get enough of it. The though of her making coffee triggered one of his most pleasant memories.

Sirius recalled the morning almost a year ago when their attraction for each other had first reared its lust filled head and started this whole mess. Hermione was a stickler for routine and every morning would get up at 5.59am and go for a jog and would return to number 12 at precisely 6.59am. Sirius would be downstairs for his morning coffee at 7am and all in the world was good.

They kept up this routine since she had first moved in after graduating from Hogwarts and he thoroughly enjoyed the early morning conversations he had with the witch who was incredibly intelligent and amazing company even before the sun was up. He was sure now – having had nearly a year to reflect on the issue – that the morning he had started his relationship with her it had not been a spontaneous coming together as she would have him believe; but instead it was a well thought calculated plan that was executed to perfection by the muggle born.

Sirius had spent a wonderful night having slept like a baby and was humming to himself as he descended the stairs and headed down the dark hall to the kitchen. He could hear Hermione opening and closing cupboards as she prepared them coffee. Sirius's hum turned into a whistle and he smiled as the smell of freshly ground beans assaulted his senses just before he opened the kitchen door. The sight he encountered when he breezed into the kitchen made him freeze.

A firm round derrière encased in black lycra was something Sirius had not expected to find right in front of his face but there it was – the most amazing arse he had ever seen. Hermione was reaching high into one of the cabinets above the sink; her short frame straining to reach her favourite mug which had been pushed to the back by someone careless. Her bare feet arched into well formed calves and Sirius noted that running everyday had done her a world of good; she was no more the frumpy little school girl but an amazingly well formed woman who had curves in all the right places.

She grunted a little as her fingers brushed the mug and the noise bought him into action. Moving swiftly to the other side of the kitchen Sirius stepped up behind her and reached above her head using his added height to grab the ceramic mug easily. She let her feet drop flat and spun in his arms her eyes betraying her shock.

"Sirius! You're early" she exclaimed moving back against the kitchen sink in an effort to put as much space between them as possible.

"I believe that you are late my dear" He replied lowering his arm and handed her the mug which she accepted almost awkwardly. Sirius made no move to step away from her. He watched as a blush crept up her cheeks and he couldn't help but think that it was rather endearing. He kept the other arm resting on the edge of the cabinet and effectively locked her in.

"How was your jog?" he asked politely.

"It was fine. If you could just …" she tried to move out from under him but he bought his hands down to pin her in his embrace.

"You know Hermione you look really good in those pants" he whispered huskily in her ear, the shiver that went through her body didn't go unnoticed.

"I-I normally change just before you come down. I didn't realise I was running late" she stuttered clutching the mug to her chest tighter. He grinned and lightly nuzzled her neck watching as her knuckles went white. His snaked his tongue out and left a trail from her ear to her shoulder and she gasped.

"Sirius" she groaned as he took the smooth flesh of her ear between his teeth. The sound of her surrender was enough to shove him over the edge and before he knew it his mouth was ravaging hers and she was wrapped around him against the pantry door.

He shoved her blue tank top and sports bra up in one movement at the same time she had practically ripped the shirt from his back and they both groaned at feeling flesh on flesh. They practically devoured each other as tongues duelled and hands tried to feel everything at once.

He was pulling at the skin tight pants when a thought crossed his lust clouded brain. "Are you sure?" he asked still pulling at the clingy material cursing it out loud.

"Because you know we don't have to if you don't want to. And I know you may not like me so much and you think …" she cut him off with her mouth and when she pulled away panting he had finally manoeuvred the lycra into a position he could work around.

"Oh for Merlin's sake Black. Shut up and fuck me" she said harshly pushing his sweat pants around his knees and jumping back into his arms. He was so turned on by her rare use of language that he plunged into her hard enough to make one of the slats on the pantry door snap.

Hermione's head dropped back and a string of curses escaped her lips as the older wizard pumped into her body not letting up until he began to feel her inner walls tighten around his throbbing shaft. He gave one last shove and they both felt release wash over them.

Sirius smiled at the memory of the first time he had managed to turn the bright witch into an incoherent mess; that was until she had realised the time and how late she was going to be and the next minute she was back to scolding him in a very Molly Weasley manner for messing with her routine. He also knew she wasn't that angry because that night she had snuck into his room and picked up where they had left off.

"What do you think Sirius?" Ginny's voice cut in his thoughts and he realised both witches were staring at him expectantly. Ginny's hair was swept up into a twist that was held in by the ball point pen he had handed Hermione and he had to admit it did look quite fetching.

"Very nice" he smiled and cleared his throat which had gone quite hoarse with the erotic day dream. He crossed his legs and shifted a little to the side trying to hide his arousal and he could see Hermione was about to ask him what was wrong when Draco and Remus entered the parlour interrupting her. Sirius couldn't help but be a little thankful.

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	3. Little Black Dress

Little Black Dress

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"Ladies," Draco crooned with a wide grin before turning a cold glare on Sirius and sitting as far from him as possible.

"We came up to make sure there were no casualties," Remus explained sitting beside Hermione and draping his arm over the back of the couch, Sirius glowered as he watched her lean back into the werewolf's shoulder with a sigh. That should be his arm draped around her and that sigh should be for him and no one else, what was going on with the world?

"No blood shed here," Sirius growled sinking back in the leather armchair with his arms folded across his chest, sulking like a four year old who had been told no.

"Not a drop," Ginny added leaning back against the werewolf's knees still in her cross legged position on the floor. Sirius had to bite his tongue and grip the arms of the chair to keep from launching himself at his supposed best friend.

"We were just getting Sirius's opinion on Ginny's new hair style," Hermione filled them in with a smile of admiration at her handy work. Ginny put on a small show tilting her head this way and that and Sirius felt his chest constrict as he admired the smooth column of her neck feeling the almost overwhelming urge to lick it from shoulder to ear, a move that never failed to make her shiver in delight.

"I like it, you should wear your hair up more often," Draco observed and Ginny's eyes shone at the Slytherins rare praise. The Animagus had to suppress a growl as he jealously thought about all the times he had suggested the same thing and she had either laughed in his face or told him explicitly where he could shove his ideas.

"I've been thinking the same thing, time for a change. After all I've been wearing it out since before I started as Hogwarts,"

"Definitely time for a change then," Draco agreed and they shared a smile. Sirius couldn't take it anymore and with a small growl of frustration he pushed himself out of the arm chair and stomped from the room leaving mixed reactions.

Hermione and Ginny shared a concerned look completely perplexed at what had the Black heir so riled up.

"Poor puppy," Draco sniggered and Remus smiled shaking his head in understanding still watching the doorway that Sirius had just left though until he heard a distant door slam.

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Sirius went straight to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him before stripping off his robes and turning the taps on full to blast cold water. Stepping in he hissed at the icy steam that flowed over him but his throbbing erection remained at full mast completely unaffected by the harsh treatment Sirius subjected the rest of his body to.

Giving up he turned the spray to a slightly more user friendly temperature and leant his head against the cold tiled wall groaning in defeat. He tried not to think over much about his intense jealous reactions toward the two young women and instead went to focusing on the young red head and the effect the sight of her long smooth pale neck had on him.

What he wouldn't give to kiss that amazing neck and he realised that if she did change her hairstyle to an up-do he would be in a permanent state of arousal. He tended to be in one when she was around him anyway, just the thought of the things she could do with that fabulous body always made him hard and the memories of it now sent his hand down along his stomach to grip his now painful arousal.

He recalled the first time he had experienced her unique talents and his hand moved in time to the memory. He had been with Hermione for around a year and things were as hot and heavy as ever, he hadn't been looking for someone else infact he was quite content with the arrangement so far. Ginny had just moved in and Hermione was happy for the female companionship and a happy Hermione was a horny Hermione and a horny Hermione meant that Sirius was one very lucky man.

Ginny was also a great housemate, being Molly's daughter she had been bought up as the ultimate house keeper and they were grateful for her skills in the kitchen. It wasn't until a few weeks into the arrangement that Sirius began to notice that she would leave at night and come back in the wee hours of the morning only to get up a few hours later to go to work. He had asked the others about it and none of them seemed to have noticed so he decided it was none of his business.

That was until the morning he had been unable to sleep so he had gone downstairs for a glass of fire whisky to keep him company. Hermione was spending the week at her parents and it was Remus' time of the month, and he refused to bother Harry because god knew what he would walk in on with the Malfoy boy occupying his bed so he was all on his own. The dull thud of the front door alerted him to Ginny's presence.

Slowly creeping out of the kitchen and into the hall he muttered a quick 'Lumos' and looked around quickly finding the dark shape of a well curved body attempting to climb the stairs quietly. She tripped on a non existent lump in the carpet and fell giggling into the wall. This is when Sirius realised she was rip roaring drunk.

"Well I never," he muttered more to himself, "who would have thought Ginny Weasley drunk and disoriented,"

"Am not, just a little tipsy," she hiccupped and tried to straighten from the wall only to flail a bit catching her stiletto heel on the edge of the step. Sirius acted quickly and raced up the stairs to catch her before she fell.

"Are you ok?" he whispered tightening his grip around her waist when she wobbled a bit.

"Just dandy. You smell nice," she giggled into his chest rubbing her face into his neck, Sirius suppressed the groan at the sensations and began to pull her up the stairs.

"Where have you been?" he asked practically carrying her now as she hobbled down the hall toward her bedroom.

"Dancing silly," she laughed and broke free of his arms to spin in a circle only to crash in to the wall and fall in a heap giggling. Sirius shook his head in exasperation and went to pick her up but she pulled him down by the collar and he fell awkwardly on top of her. He smelt the alcohol on her breath as she bought her face close to his.

"You really do smell nice Siri," she slurred right before she crushed her lips to his. Sirius was so shocked at first that he couldn't move but as she began to shift her body beneath his trying to get closer. He wrenched his mouth from hers and pulled her arms from their death grip around his neck. She pouted as he pulled her to her feet and dragged her by the wrist to her bedroom.

"Don't you want me Sirius?" she asked sounding like she was on the verge of tears. Sirius eyes racked her body taking in the shining red hair, deep blue eyes line with smoky black, down to the little black dress that clung to every curve and finally to the stiletto heels that were attached to her feet by satin ribbons that hugged her calves. Yes he wanted her, but not like this.

"You would only accuse me of taking advantage of you in the morning," he told her quietly slowly backing out of her bedroom. She laughed at this and stumbled to her dresser removing her silver jewellery clumsily cursing when she couldn't get the clasp undone on her necklace. Rolling his eyes Sirius moved to help her.

"Thankyou," she yawned lowering her hands to her sides as his fingers worked the clasp before turning her around by the shoulders and pushing her toward the bed.

"You need to get some sleep if you are going to get up in the morning," he told her gently pushing her to sit on the mattress and kneeling in front of her to take off her shoes.

"Will you stay with me?" she asked on another yawn her eyelids drooping now. Sirius hesitated before looking up into her eyes. She was watching his hands intently.

"I don't think that's such a good idea Gin," he said quietly removing one shoe and moving onto the next one.

"I just don't like to sleep on my own. Please Sirius?" she gave him the puppy dog eyes and he sighed in defeat before standing.

"Ok but just till you fall asleep," he agreed pulling back the covers letting her slide in. As he got in behind her she turned and tucked her head into his chest cuddling close.

"Thanks Sirius," she mumbled before falling asleep almost straight away, Sirius didn't have the heart to move her so he got comfortable and before he knew it he too ad fallen asleep.

He woke to lips moving against his neck and bare chest and struggled through his sleep cloud mind about to groan Hermione's name when he realised that it wasn't her bed that he was in.

"Good morning," she purred.

"Ginny, what are you doing?" he asked struggling to sit up, that's when he realised that is hands were tied above him the bed head.

"What you wouldn't do last night," she replied nipping at his next causing him to gasp.

"Can you at least un-tie me?" he groaned bucking his hips as she moved to straddle him.

"No, you might escape," she said matter-of-factly before attacking his mouth, her lower regions rubbing against him. She had discarded her little black dress and had some how removed his own clothing so the only thing standing between them was the tiny black g-string.

She moved to cup his growing arousal and stared him straight in the eye, "Tell me you want me," she whispered moving lower so that her mouth was inches from his now stiff member.

"Merlin Ginny I want you," he growled and she grinned like a minx and snaked her tongue out to touch the tip before sucking him completely in her mouth. Sirius nearly jumped out of his skin and he strained against his binds once more. She moved her hands to hold his hips down as she took him so far into her mouth he saw stars. She bobbed up and down a few times running her tongue from tip to base and Sirius felt himself tighten.

"Too soon, Ginny you have to stop," he rasped out and she pulled her mouth from him ending with a hard suck that caused his breath to hitch and his whole body to rise from the bed. He was sweating and panting by the time she climbed back up to hit on his stomach, her round buttocks just brushing his straining manhood.

"You want me to stop?" she grinned and wiggled a bit teasing him.

"No, just slow down," he gasped arching beneath her.

"I don't feel like it," she said leaning down and leaving a trail of wet kisses from neck to stomach, "I'm going to go as fast as I feel like," she breathed against his sweat soaked skin and he shivered slightly.

She shuffled back a little and moved the piece of fabric to the side before looking him and raising an eyebrow in question, he bucked in silent response and she slowly lowered herself onto him her own eyes closing in ecstasy.

"Oh Sirius," she moaned as she began to move up and down his length supporting her hands on his chest. Sirius couldn't keep still for long and began thrusting his hips into her waiting body using his unbound feet against the mattress as leverage. They soon found a rhythm where she would plunge down as he surged up and before long her moans became screams of pleasure and Sirius couldn't help thinking that if he were to die in the next few minutes he would die a very happy man.

He felt her inner muscles begin to clench around him the next time she closed around him like a snug fitting glove and with one last shuddering breath she seemed to shatter around him.

Sirius pumped his hand faster at the memory of the red-head collapsing against his chest completely out of breath as her own contraction bought about his release. Sirius but his lip as the memory of that fateful morning replaying in vivid detail and he felt his body tense before he spilled his seed coating his hand and the shower wall.

The water was once again turning cold and Sirius moved back to rest against the opposite wall panting, that's how he was found, cock in hand by his very shocked godson who hadn't realised the shower was occupied. Oh this was turning out to be a fantastic day; Sirius couldn't help but smirk to himself.

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	4. Black as Night

Black as Night

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At number 12 Grimmauld Place that evening dinner turned into a rather interesting affair. Hermione and Ginny were being overly perky; Remus was trying not to burst into laughter every few minutes while Draco shot Sirius glares over the jug of pumpkin juice in the centre of the table at the same time as comforting Harry, who believed he had gone temporarily blind from hysteria and hadn't spoken a word since had run screaming from the bathroom.

To a passer by it would appear that they had entered an insane asylum; to Sirius he was convinced he was living in one.

"Pass the butter please," Hermione asked with a smile so bright she could have been in a toothpaste commercial.

"Certainly," Remus said lifting the dish and passing it to her; they exchanged an amused look that Sirius didn't miss. His scowl increased and a small growl escaped from the corner of his mouth.

Sirius leaned forward to grab the pumpkin juice at the same time Draco did and as their hands clashed, they exchanged a glare.

"Ladies first," Sirius spat slumping back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest as he watched the blonde pour first Harry a glass then himself one leaving a mere drop in the bottom of the jug. He placed the empty jug in the centre of the table with a smirk.

"All yours," The Malfoy heir drawled making the Animagus growled again. Sirius stood abruptly from the table, everyone stopped what they were doing thinking that a punch was about to be thrown when he instead ripped open one of the countless cabinets and pulled out a half empty bottle of fire whisky. He returned to the table and pulled the stopper out with his teeth, spitting it into a corner before taking a long swig.

He slammed the glass bottle on the table and smirk at the scowling Malfoy in front of him. Sirius took up his fork and stabbed a piece of broccoli on his plate biting into it viciously never taking his stare away from the younger man. Draco looked away in disgust and Hermione gave a sigh before placing her fork and knife delicately on her barely touched plate.

"Sirius, stop acting like a child," she scolded,

"I'm not the one acting like a child. He started it," Sirius growled pointing his fork with the half eaten vegetable still speared on its end in the direction of Draco and Harry.

"I did not you stupid mutt. You started it when you decided to deface the bathroom wall and blind Harry in the process. What were you thinking leaving the door open? Have you no consideration for the other people who have to live here and use that bathroom?" Draco exploded throwing his own fork down with a loud clatter.

"And you and my godson have never 'defaced' the bathroom wall before? I've heard you at night when you think were all asleep, what you do in there is far worse than what I got up to this afternoon,"

Draco mouth opened and closed a few times like a fish trying to breath out of water before whipping his wand from within his robes and practically leaping over the table at the older man. A small scuffle ensued where Sirius was able to flip the Draco off him and pin him to the floor holding his wand hand above his head so he couldn't use it.

"Think you can beat me Malfoy? Think you're better than me?" Sirius snarled in his face raising his own wand about to hex the blonde into oblivion.

"STOP THIS INSTANT!" came the deafening roar "I will not have you beat or hex each other into a bloody mess in my kitchen," both men looked up to see Ginny Weasley standing above them with her hands on her hips in a perfect imitation of her mother, all the way down to the scowling disapproval in her expression.

"Now you can either act like civil human beings or you can get out. The choice is up to you," She began to tap her foot in irritation and Sirius decided it would be best if he got off Malfoy before the she decided to hex him first. Standing up he brushed off his robes and offered a hand to Draco who promptly refused it and pushed himself to his feet.

They all sat down and the rest of the meal was spent in silence except for the occasional irritated sigh from one of the women or the uncontrollable snickers from a highly amused Remus. Sirius chose to ignore the heated glares being sent his way and when their plates were finally cleared he decided to forego dessert and excused himself instead.

Shuffling down the hallway he tried to ignore the fact they had all begun talking about him the moment he had left the room. Let them talk, he thought, he couldn't give a toss what they thought and as for the Malfoy brat, well he had his head stuck so far up his arse it didn't matter what was going on around him as long as his precious hair wasn't mussed up. What Sirius wouldn't give to have gotten just one hex in; he contemplated all the evil things he could do to the pureblood, like maybe putting purple dye in his shampoo, or maybe snuffles could pee in everyone of his expensive Italian leather shoes.

Sirius was still smiling at the thought of getting revenge when he climbed into bed, ready to end the horrid day; maybe tomorrow would be better, he sighed and snuggled into his pillows finally succumbing to sleep.

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Sirius snuffled and rolled over; whatever had just woken him up could wait till morning. Something soft and light tickled his nose again making his whole face screw up in displeasure. He would have ignored it again and tried to get back to sleep if the soft giggling that was permeating his consciousness was now very obviously coming from either side of him.

He cracked open one eye to stare straight into a honey gaze clouded with lust. "Sirius," she whispered huskily before leaning in the last few inches and kissing him with all the fiery passion she possessed her arms locked around his neck to hold him in place. Sirius responded with equal enthusiasm and was just about to roll the witch onto her back when a third hand snaked down his back and circled his torso.

He broke away from Hermione and rolled over coming face to face with a grinning Ginny; Sirius had a moment to register that both women were in his bed naked before the red head pulled him to kiss him breathless.

Hermione not wanting to be left out began kissing a path from his neck all the way down his spine and back up again, while Ginny's hands travelled down to cup his growing manhood. He cried out as Hermione's hand joined hers and they began to pump in unison; he turned his head to kiss the brunette and was shocked to see her lips were momentarily occupied.

He panted and watched with growing arousal as his two lovers kissed each other passionately as their bodies moved together over him. Sirius flipped onto his back to get a better view and reached his hands up to fondle their swinging breasts making them moan into each other. Sirius had died and gone to heaven; that was the only explanation for it.

They let go of him simultaneously and Hermione began to shuffle toward the end of the bed and since she was attached to Ginny's mouth Ginny was forced to move in the opposite direction, her knees resting just above Sirius's head. The women broke apart and all three of them were breathing heavily; the sent of arousal heavy in the small room. The two women shared a conspiring look that Sirius didn't miss before his vision was suddenly blurred as Ginny leaned in to kiss him again, her long hair acting as a curtain.

He felt Hermione's curls caress his loins and her breath ghost over his straining manhood and he suddenly had to restrain himself from bucking his hips. Her light laughter drifted up to him as if she was fully aware how great his need to feel her lips around him was. Her hot breath was suddenly much closer and he groaned into Ginny's mouth as her tongue plunged in as if on queue. He bucked involuntarily as he felt Hermione's wet tongue flick the tip of his cock repeatedly and she moved her hands to hold him down as she moved all the way down to his base and back using the quick rapid movement.

He broke away from Ginny's mouth unable to slow his breathing and she took the opportunity to smooth her hands down his chest, unable to resist the tempting breasts the dangled above his face he raised himself on his elbows and took the one ripe nipple in his mouth suckling hard. The younger women cried out and Hermione looked up and smiled at the night before returning and taking Sirius even deeper in her mouth.

They continued this way for long minutes writhing against each other until Hermione sat up and rested back against her haunches, Ginny did the same and they smile wantonly down at Sirius who chest was rising and falling so rapidly he was certain a heart attack was immanent. Hermione moved to straddle his hips her knees on either side of his and she got a firm hold on his base holding him so that she could slowly impale herself. Head thrown back and eyes closed she looked like an angel.

She slowly lifted herself almost off him and held still for a long second before plunging back down letting out a throaty moan. Ginny shifted and crawled over to sit by Sirius's side and he watched fascinated as Hermione noticed her and leant down to initiate another kiss between them. Ginny's body moved in time to Hermione's thrusts and Sirius smiled as he watched the two caressed each other having had no idea they swung that way let alone fancied each other, it was such a turn on.

Ginny broke free from Hermione and moved to kiss Sirius again, lying flush against his side and holding his face to hers. Sirius's hands were everywhere as she took as much as she gave; Hermione obviously appreciated the show as well because he felt her inner walls begin to close around him in an almost painful grip and her gasps became moans. He began thrusting on her plunge hitting the spot within her that made her see stars of pleasure.

He moved his hand down Ginny's flat stomach and parted her wet folds to caress her bud of pleasure not wanting her to miss out and she cried out against him. With a sudden spreading of heat and through endless gasps the three came together in a cataclysmic orgasm that left them quivering and limp.

Sirius sat up with a gasp and looked around his empty bedroom then down at his wet pyjama bottoms. He began to curse loudly, it had been a dream. The most erotic experience of his life had been a bloody dream; he should have known today would get worse.

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	5. Black Monday

Black Monday

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Sirius sat up with a gasp and looked around his empty bedroom then down at his wet pyjama bottoms. He began to curse loudly, it had been a dream. The most erotic experience of his life had been a bloody dream; he should have known today would get worse. Looking at the clock he had to correct himself, it was now tomorrow, and what a promising start it was.

Sighing with a mixture of regret and annoyance he flung back the now suffocating covers and practically stomped out of his bedroom to go and take yet another cold shower. The house was quite which meant that everyone was still asleep, which made Sirius very happy; he didn't think he could endure anymore glares right at this moment.

He began musing over the dream and felt himself becoming aroused again. He quickened his pace deciding that cold shower was probably the best idea; he was as hornier than a sixteen year old boy who had just discovered his father's collection of Playboy magazines. The light was already on when he pushed through the door and his pants were around his ankles before it was fully closed.

He hopped to free each foot and pulled the curtain back. He realized his mistake a split second too late. He had been so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he had failed to hear the water running and the soft moans coming from the shower cubical; but right now he was wishing he had noticed all this because it would have spared him from the sight of his godson bent over, his hands braced on the shower wall (the one he had so called 'defaced' earlier that day) with the young Malfoy pumping his hips and grunting from behind him.

An ear piercing scream was heard all over number 12 Grimmauld Place, that Sirius would never admit came from him, and the other occupants of the house came running to see what the commotion was on the second floor. They arrived just in time to see a very naked Sirius Black stumble from the bathroom, hitting into walls and the door frame before tripping on his own feet and falling flat on his face.

A still dripping Draco, leading a still sightless Harry by the hand emerged a second later wearing a towel and a smirk.

"That will teach you Black", he sneered and he and Harry went back to their room. Remus was laughing out of control and slid from his place against the wall onto the floor clutching his stomach as tears streamed down his face. Hermione ran to grab him a towel while Ginny helped him stand up and Hermione returned and wrapped the towel around his waist.

He mumbled a quick thank you refusing to look at any of them, the image of the two men in the shower burned into the back of his eyelids. He was fairly certain he was scarred for life after that little performance.

"Sirius are you ok?" Hermione asked gently touching his arm in comfort.

"I will be once I find a spoon to gouge my eyes out," he muttered more to himself than her. Ginny giggled and Remus slumped onto his side still laughing like a madman.

"I think if we all just go back to bed and get some more sleep everything won't seem as bad in the morning", she reasoned and gave Remus a pointed glare before grabbing Ginny's hand and going back upstairs. The sight of the two witches holding hands sent Sirius's pulse racing and the thought of Malfoy screwing Harry was soon replaced with the image of Ginny and Hermione locked in a passionate kiss above him.

He was startled when a heavy hand was placed on his shoulder. Remus was watching them walk up the stairs as well, he was still flushed from laughter, and a stupid grin plastered on his face.

"I hope you appreciate what you've got there Padfoot, you don't deserve them," it wasn't said harshly, more a statement of fact.

"No I don't deserve them, and they deserve better than me. But I'm going to enjoy them while I still have them", he responded turning to look at Remus as the girls were finally out of sight.

"What are you going to do if they make you choose by the end of the week?" Remus asked raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"I don't know", Sirius whispered and shrugged off the taller mans hand and left for his own room knowing he wasn't going to be able to get any more sleep. He had been tossing and turning for around an hour when he heard his door creak open slightly.

"Who's there?" he whispered peering into the dark and recognizing the bushy mop of hair.

"It's just me," Hermione whispered shutting the door and walking toward him in the dark. He felt the mattress dip as she got in beside him.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok," she said turning to him and resting her cheek against his shoulder. He slipped an arm around her waist and hugged her closer, enjoying the company and warmth.

"Why wouldn't I be alright?" he asked gruffly turning his face and smelling the faint scent of her floral shampoo.

"A lot has happened since yesterday morning. I don't want you to think we are all against you or something", she was rubbing her hand in maddening circles on his naked chest and he was finding it hard to concentrate. He didn't answer for a long time and she didn't press him. Eventually he began to relax into her.

"I'm sorry about everything Hermione; I should never have gone behind your back", he wasn't sure if she had heard him or not, he thought for a moment she had fallen asleep before she answered.

"No I'm sorry I was stupid enough to get angry. After all it's not like we ever agreed to see each other exclusively. I guess I was angry that I didn't see something going on sooner. I can't believe I was so blind"

Sirius chuckled and pulled back to look down at her face in the dark, "There is a first time for everything", he whispered before leaning in and taking her lips gently.

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Sirius was doing the dishes the next morning the muggle way when the rest of the house woke up to the smell of bacon that Hermione was cooking on the other side of the kitchen. Ginny came in looking like she had been swept up by a typhoon, her hair standing in odd angles, matching Harry's everyday look. Draco looked for all the world like he had just spent the morning in the bathroom and Remus was still smiling like a maniac.

"Morning", he greeted merrily having been the last to enter the now cramped kitchen, "I trust we all slept well", he grinned as he sat down and poured himself some coffee flicking open the Daily Prophet smiling at the something on the front page knowing he wasn't going to get any responses from his tired housemates.

"How are your eyes Harry?" Ginny asked running her fingers through her tangled hair trying to tame it unsuccessfully.

"Still can't see" he mumbled and pushed his glasses up his nose, he obviously couldn't get out of the habit of wearing them even though he didn't need them. Nobody mentioned the fact the he was now speaking again, they decided one step at a time to get him to recover from seeing the man who was a close as a father should be pleasuring himself in the shower. Of course, last night performance with Draco had put them on equal footing so it wasn't so bad.

There was a knock at the front door and Draco got up to answer it re-entering the kitchen a few seconds later with Fred and George hot on his heels.

"We smelled bacon and decided to pop in to visit our favorite little sister and have breakfast with our favorite extended family before work" One of them said, nobody was sure if it was Fred or George. They slipped off their jackets and hung them on the coat rack in the corner before sitting down side by side.

"How's mum?" Ginny yawned, dodging one of their hands as they went to ruffle her hair.

"Oh you know mum, always on about something or other. This week Charlie was a day late sending her his usual owl and she's been nagging about responsibility. You're lucky you escaped when you did", the three Weasley's laughed and discussed their mother's antics until Hermione placed heaping plates in the centre of the table.

"Help yourselves, I have to run upstairs to get ready for work", she barely stopped to grab a piece of toast as she ran out into the hall.

"Harry you coming' around later? Were having a Quidditch match tonight at the Burrow, we could use you as seeker" one of the twins asked spooning scrambled eggs onto his plate.

"I don't think so", Harry mumbled his head bowed and Draco frowned.

"Oh come on Harry, we could flog Ron with you on out side," the other twin said eagerly.

"He's having some eye problems at the moment. So he really can't play," Draco told them.

"Hope its nothing serious" Fred, at least that's who they thought was now speaking said.

"Did you just wake up that way, have you had it checked out?" George asked. By now Remus was giggling madly behind his paper, which shook almost violently, Ginny and Sirius shot him glares.

"Not exactly," Harry mumbled not tracing circles on the table in front of him.

"Then what exactly happened?" the twins asked together suddenly very curious.

Sirius cleared his throat not wanting to know he was screwing their sister and Draco noticed this and grinned wickedly, before launching into the whole sordid tale. The twins were in gales of laughter by the end and all at Sirius's expense before finally calming down enough to start on their sister who whipped out her wand to hex them to oblivion.

Hermione walked into the room at the very moment and everyone looked up at her going very quiet. She paused and a small nervous smile formed on her lips as the oppressive silence spoke depths. Fred and George were the first to break the uncomfortable silence in the kitchen.

"So Hermione, we must say we are shocked," said Fred,

"Yes _Hermione_," George cut in placing unnecessary emphasis on her name and leering slightly "We are shocked that you're clacker has been deflowered already, we always thought you were saving yourself for us", he grinned cheekily.

"Yes shocked that someone's already explored the depths of your clam tunnel," Fred added in, feigning a look of hurt and betrayal.

"What are you talking about?" she asked her face turning red with fury and embarrassment.

"You know, gone to town on your lady bush," George grinned, a look imitated by his twin.

"Pumped you knee deep with gentleman juice", Fred sniggered

"Anointed you with the full honors of his manhood", George continued starting to laugh now too.

"Showered your pristine cheeks with milk white love", this was the final breaking point for the twins and they collapsed against each other in fits of laughter, tears streaming down their faces. The rest of the kitchens occupants did not find it nearly as amusing, accept for Remus that is, who was still hiding behind his paper.

Sirius who rose and grabbed the two by the scruffs of the necks slamming their heads together and effectively silencing their mirth.

"Aw, come now Sirius," Fred said, chuckling slightly

"Yeah no need to get like that," George added elbow him in the ribs and straightening his shirt.

"Don't you two have a shop to open?" Sirius growled wanting them out of the house before he killed them with his bare hands.

"As a matter of fact we do," George said and held out his elbow to Hermione was still looking mighty pissed off, "Can we escort you to your place of employment my dear?" he asked cordially and didn't give her a chance to protest as he put her hand there and held it so she couldn't escape. Fred moved to her other and did the same so she was effectively trapped between them.

"Bye" she said faintly looking back into the kitchen before being dragged out of the house. Sirius was happy to be rid of the Weasley boys.

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	6. Black Cats and Broomsticks

Black Cats and Broomsticks

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Sirius watched the Weasley twins steer Hermione out the kitchen and into the hall. The obnoxious duo deliberately slammed the front door extra hard causing the curtains of his mother's portrait to fly open and her archaic pureblood slogans to spew forth.

"_Filth! Scum! By-Products of dirt and vileness! Half-breeds, mutants, freaks_!" she screamed and Sirius rushed into the hall with Remus on his heels to shut the infuriating woman up.

"Shut up you old hag," Sirius yelled back at her, grabbing one side of the curtain and waiting for Remus to do the same.

"_You! You defile the name of Black! Traitor!"_ she roared when she saw him. Sirius rolled his eyes, ignoring the sniggers from his werewolf companion as they silently counted to three and then yanked the fabric in their grips with all their might. The silence in the entrance hall was deafening as the two men panted with the effort it had taken. Sirius looked up to see Ginny leaning in the kitchen doorway watching them with an impish grin on her face.

"What?" he asked straightening up; his heart still thumping erratically in his chest, but it was no longer just from the physical exertion. That slight tilt of her lips never failed to cause a reaction in him; it was her secret knowing smile and it made any man who became subject to such a look want to do anything in their power to discover what was going on in her head.

"Nothing," she replied her grin getting wider and her eyes flashing in amusement. Remus was leaning against the wall next the portrait his chest rising and falling but becoming slower.

"Come on old men. I'll fix you both a cup of tea for your troubles and you can help me get started on my column," she laughed and turned back into the warm glow of the kitchen. Remus slapped Sirius on the back as they pushed away from the portrait to follow her.

"She called you an old man," he giggled, which earned him a glare.

"No my friend, I believe she was talking to you," Sirius grouched, shoving Remus into the wall so he could enter the kitchen first. He barely raised an eyebrow at the sight of Harry snuggled in Draco's lap, the blonde murmuring quietly in his lovers ear. Harry nodded occasionally and the remaining occupants turned a blind eye to the scene as well.

Ginny was bustling around the kitchen gathering and preparing ingredients. After leaving Hogwarts she had worked diligently to perfect her craft and was now one of the wizarding world's youngest and most renowned seer; working as a free lance writer she spent a large majority of each month preparing horoscopes. This month she was writing a column on new methods of reading tea leaves, working on her theory of that the zodiac symbols were infact very influential in a persons reading.

The kettle on the stove whistled loudly and Ginny rushed to get it off, setting it on a heat proof mat on the table. They watched as she added several herbs and muttered an incantation, her soothing voice barely audible. Sirius watched her delicate pink lips move, admiring the contours and shape he knew so well. Her heavily made up lashes brushed her cheek bones as she concentrated and weaved her magic.

She took three deep breaths in before looking up at the four men who, three of whom were watching her with intently. "Done," she said in a dreamy voice that would have rivalled Luna Lovegood; her normally sky blues eyes were a deep sapphire, they all knew from experience that this was a sign she was still deeply entrenched in her inner magic. Sirius recalled the first time he had seen her like this, realising that she was the quintessence of what it meant to be a witch.

It had been roughly six months before hand that he had accidentally walked in on her during a ceremony he would never forget. She sat within a circle of salt with four bowls strategically placed around her, her black robes flared out by her sides. Candles filled the empty room on the forth floor, usually reserved for Remus's time of the month. Sirius stood in the doorway in stunned silence. He had never seen Ginny look so spiritual or so unbelievably beautiful, with her hair almost sweeping the floor and her eyes closed in deep concentration.

She was murmuring to herself, lost in whatever spell she was weaving and Sirius occasionally picked up on a few of the words; she was calling on the elements. A sudden burst of light filled the room and four spirals emerged surrounding her – one red, one blue, one green and one yellow. He watched in awe as she stood and the colours surrounded her like vibrant ribbons, wrapping her in a cocoon. Sirius panicked for a second thinking she was going to suffocate but the next moment the ribbons contracted around her then moulded to every curve of her body. The next thing he remembered was the colours seeming to melt and absorb into her body.

Arms outstretched she fell to her knees and the candles stopped their mad flickering. Sirius was almost too afraid to go over and see if she was alright but she suddenly looked up at him. Even from his position in the doorway he could see the blazing sapphire in her eyes and he was left speechless.

"Sirius," she breathed and it was like a sirens call. He felt his feet move from beneath him as he approached her as if against his will. A gust of wind blew from one outstretched hand and parted the salt circle, creating a doorway for him to enter and with a flick of her wrist re-assembled itself once he had entered. He dropped to his knees in front of her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his head down to kiss him with all the fiery passion she possessed.

His response was immediate and fierce, his body straining to get as close to her as physically possible. She quickly became the aggressor and with a strength he did not know she possessed she pushed him to the floor and climb atop him. Her writhing body and wandering hands made him instantly hard and he almost whimpered like a wounded dog when she pulled away from his mouth to tear at his robes, her soft lips and rough tongue causing unbelievable sensations wherever they touched.

She finally released his aching erection and wasted no time pulling aside her robes, revealing her naked form beneath. They both groaned as she slid easily over his length and she barely paused to breathe before she was lifting herself off his again. He rode him hard and fast, pinning his hands above his head as she stared down at him with an intensity he had never seen in her before – he wondered vaguely if it was a reaction to the spell she had cast.

He gave a few short thrusts into her willing body and before he knew it his head was thrown back and his shouts of satisfaction were bouncing off the empty walls. He felt her fluttering orgasm begin, caressing him so intimately and he soft cries were music to his ears. She immediately collapsed on top of his chest and he raised his head only to see that she was fast asleep. He gently moved them down to his bedroom where she didn't wake up till the next morning, not remembering a thing and her eyes returning to their normal sky blue colour.

He had found her this way several times, always on a dark moon. Yet they never spoke about it and he was forever in the dark about exactly why she performed the spell. He had a feeling it had to do with her powers as a seer. Looking at her now he realised she was looking at him expectantly. So was a grinning Remus and an annoyed looking Malfoy for that matter. He raised an eyebrow in question.

"Black get your head out of the gutter and drink the blasted tea," Draco finally muttered out of the corner of his mouth. This is when he realised Ginny already had three empty china cups before her and was waiting on his. He downed the scolding liquid in two gulps and pushed the cup toward the witch. Her eyes were still dark which meant she was still under the influence of her inner power.

She raised her wand and the cups began spinning around each other, mixing up the order before finally coming to rest in a neat row. Taking a deep breath she picked up the first.

"Sagittarius," she said quietly, and Remus perked up realising that was his cup, "I see a great many words in the near future – you will exchange correspondence with an unexpected acquaintance," Remus smiled and accepted his cup back before recording her every word so she could use it as reference for her column.

She reached for the next mug, "Leo," Harry lifted his head, Sirius had been sure his godson had fallen asleep on his boyfriends lap, "Today you will be "mooned" by a cat. Fortunately, you won't notice", Remus sniggered at Harry and Draco's perplexed look. But Ginny seemed oblivious to anything else going on in the room as she picked up the next cup. Remus was the only one who noticed her eyes getting lighter, which meant her reading would not be as accurate as it should be – he made a note on the side of her notebook.

"Gemini," she breathed "You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, pumpkin juice and a door," Draco looked like he was about to protest this prediction but a look from both Remus and Sirius shut him up.

Ginny picked up the final cup which was Sirius's and turned it in her palm several times. Remus noticed her eyes had returned to their normal colour and her lip tilted ever so slightly. "Aries, it is a good day to take up knitting, on horseback. Everyone needs an adventure", a small giggle escaped as Sirius snatched the cup from her hands and stared down into the dregs.

"You little con-artist. It does not say that, it says I am divided on an issue but all will be resolved in time", he growled, "I didn't get all O's in Divination for nothing",

Ginny laughed at his indignation, which just irritated him more before standing to wash the breakfast dishes, snatching the offending tea cup from his hand and kissing him on the forehead.

"Actually I believe you received all O's because of me. You just copied my work and passed that way," Remus said picking up the _Daily Prophet_ again. Sirius glowered, what was it with this whole house ganging up on him?

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	7. Bad Omens, Black Moods

Bad Omens, Black Moods

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"Well I should be heading off soon," Draco announced, helping Harry off his lap and standing up to stretch his legs. Remus didn't look up from his paper so he missed the glare sent Sirius's way, which Sirius childishly responded with by sticking out his tongue.

"Draco, stop," Harry said suddenly causing everyone to turn and stare at him. Harry was staring up at Draco with a wide eye expression, bordering on horror. A quick glance to his left revealed Remus was in much the same state.

"Draco, stand very still," Remus said enunciating each word slowly and carefully standing from his chair. Sirius's eyes darted between the three, Harry's clear green eyes never leaving Draco's face as he too stood just as slowly.

"Oh god," Ginny screamed, quickly muffling the outburst with her hand and pressing herself against the kitchen sink as if tying to get away, her expression mimicking the other two. Sirius frowned in confusion, afraid moving from his spot at the table would get him in trouble but not seeing what was bothering them so much about Draco – he could see the boy front on and everything seemed to be fine with the arrogant git.

Harry slowly approached his pureblood lover and placed his hands on either side of his face, looking deep into the others eyes and effectively blocking Sirius's view of what was going on. Remus came up behind Draco and carefully reached a hand into his pocket to retrieve his wand.

"Don't move," He said very slowly as Draco whimpered. It was at this time that Sirius saw one long hairy leg slowly make its way over the boy's robe clad shoulder. Ginny muffled another scream as she watched the thing move and Remus acted quickly with swift and precise movements.

"_Wingardium Leviosa_" he cried and a spider, its body at least ten inches round and almost twice as long flew up into the air. Sirius realised it wasn't just any old spider, but one of the Acromantula, the same kind found in the grounds of Hogwarts. The Acromantula hovered mid air before Remus released it onto the kitchen table. Ginny scrambled up onto the kitchen counter, trying to put as much distance between herself and the table. Harry pulled Draco to the far corner of the room and pulled the blonde into his chest.

All five of them jumped (and it was later sworn that the Acromantula did too) when the kitchen door slammed open. Ron entered looking bright and cheery for nine o'clock in the morning but stopped abruptly, his gaze fixed on the kitchen table.

"Sp-sp-spider!" He sputtered his finger outstretched and his face went a ghostly white, making his freckles stand out even more. He began hyperventilating and turned to run back out of the room but the door had swung shut behind him and he ran smack into it. They all watched as he slumped to the floor unconscious.

Harry pulled Draco off him and moved to help his best friend, while Ginny, now over the worst of her fear, slowly climbed off the kitchen bench and went to the apothecary chest to get some smelling salts.

Remus and Sirius made no move to check on the youngest male Weasley, but turned back to stare at the rare animal before them. The spider like creature stretched its enormous legs out, and if it had a face it would have looked quite disgruntled. Sirius noticed a flash of yellowed parchment attached to one of the legs.

"Do you see that Moony?' he asked mildly, making no move to lean in closer.

Remus flicked his wand again and the parchment unfolded and flew into his outstretched hand. The Acromantula remained where it was on the table. Remus looked down, his eyes quickly scanning over the contents before he burst out laughing, he slumped back into his chair with a chuckle and read over it again.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, completely bemused by his friend's strange behaviour. Remus waved a hand and a bright purple quill appeared in it. He scribbled on the back of the note before rolling it up and pushing it toward the waiting Acromantula. The beast scurried over and took it between its fangs before making a hasty exit out the kitchen window.

"Do you remember when you used to let me run around the forbidden forest when there was a full moon?" he asked, a grin still stuck on his face.

"I wouldn't exactly say we let you – you just sort of escaped," Sirius replied.

"Yes well on those couple of occasions where you lost me I ended up spending the night with the Acromantula. That was the Queen wishing me a belated happy birthday," Remus chuckled at the stunned looks he was receiving from all corners of the room.

"Why couldn't she just owl you?" Sirius asked with a chuckle, but Remus's response was interrupted.

"_An_ _overgrown spider was wishing you a happy birthday_!" Draco practically shrieked from his post by the pantry. Remus swivelled in his seat and smiled pleasantly at the younger man.

"Yes, rather nice of her, don't you think?"

"_Nice? Nice? I nearly died and you say it was nice_?" his voice was possibly even shriller than before.

"Oh stop being melodramatic Dray," Harry said, kneeling beside a groaning Ron, whose head was thrashing in his sisters lap as he came to.

"Did you just call me melodramatic Potter?" Draco growled turning a murderous stare on his boyfriend.

"Yes, I believe I did," Harry replied standing and taking several steps toward the blonde.

"That's just rich," Draco snarled to no one in particular. Said nobody's were slowly backing away from the pair not wanting to get caught in the crossfire. Ron was looking a little more than confused and Ginny took the opportunity to drag him to his feet and out the hall, they were quickly followed by the last two Marauders, who quietly closed the door behind them.

Remus motioned for them to follow and they made their way to the parlour upstairs, far enough away from the powerful pair in the kitchens not to get in the way, but not so far that they couldn't hear when things got out of hand.

"What the bloody hell has been going on in this house?" Ron asked, slumping wearily into one of the armchairs.

"Oh you know, a bit of adultery here, a case of hysterical blindness there. A botched tea leave reading and a birthday card from a rare magical beast generally found only in the forests of Scotland. You're usual weekend activities," Ginny told her brother sitting on the arm of his chair and smiling down at him. He burst out laughing and everyone just looked at him with polite expressions on their faces. When he calmed down he noticed this and his smile began to fade.

"You're kidding right?" he asked

"Nope – the second floor bathroom has also been a hive of activity," Remus informed the red head happily, which earned him an elbow in the kidney from Sirius. Luckily for the Black heir Ron was to dim to question exactly what that exchange meant.

"Wow, the most exciting thing to happen at the Burrow this week was when mum made apple pie instead of her usual rhubarb," he informed them, "Speaking of food, did I smell bacon when I walked in?" he asked eagerly. Ginny was about to reply that there was some left when they heard glass smashing from downstairs.

"Oh no, that's my favourite pitcher, and the last of the pumpkin juice," she groaned jumping up to go and save the rest of her kitchen ware.

"I'll deal with it Gin," Remus said standing up, "Come on Ron, you can help me calm Harry down," Ron gave a nod and stood to follow the werewolf out of the room.

"Sooo," Ginny drawled, coming to sit beside Sirius on the couch, "Were all alone," she bit her lip and moulded herself to his side.

"It would appear that way," he replied, a little suspicious of the fiery headed woman's motives.

"It's been a while since we've had a few minutes to ourselves," she said resting her head on his shoulder, one hand sliding up his leg to draw lazy circles on his thigh. They both watched her manicured nails shimmer in the light with each movement.

"Yes, I suppose it has," he replied swallowing hard to dislodge the lump in his throat. He hand moved a little higher.

"I'm going to miss this if you don't choose me," she breathed, lifting herself off him and lowering herself to rest between his knees.

"Miss what?" he asked, not following the conversation at all.

"This," she whispered unzipping his jeans slowly and looking up at him seductively. He sprang free of the confines and drew a quick breath, a little shocked at how quickly he had become aroused. Sirius had to admit ruefully that he had been in this state for nearly three days now.

She went to lower her pink lips around him, Sirius's hands tangled in her hair when a distinct clearing of a throat sounded from the open door. Remus stood there looking at the far corner of the room.

"I think I should teach you some locking charms Padfoot, you seem to be getting caught more often than not," he said before pulling the door closed. Sirius looked down at Ginny and found she was on her side shaking with silent laughter. Sirius waited calmly for her to calm down enough to get down to business; his whole body now straining for release. He didn't have to wait long and she soon sat up with a goofy grin on her face.

"Sorry Siri, but that was a total mood killer, some other time maybe?" she asked standing up and brushing off her robes. Sirius watched in disbelief as she walked out the door, closing it softly behind her.

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	8. Bored Black in the Backyard

Bored Black in the Backyard

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Sirius emerges from the parlour much later in the day having had to take care of his not so little problem himself. With a self satisfied smirk he whistled a lively tune and practically skipped down the steps two at a time. Who needed women? He thought to himself happily, they were nothing but trouble with a capital T.

He turned his whistle down a notch as he crept past his mother's portrait and finally made it to the kitchen. The house was oddly quiet and he discovered why when he found a bright green note pinned to the fridge.

_Sirius,_

_Taken Harry to the pub with Ron__,_

_Might go to the Burrow later_

_Don't know when we will be home_

_Remus_

And under that the was a quick scribble, as if the person who had wrote had been reminded to leave it on their way out the door, it even looked like it was written in eye liner.

_Gone __to play Quidditch at the Burrow, taken Draco with me to be seeker since Harry wouldn't do it._

_Be back late, don't wait up – Fred & George are breaking out the Fire Whisky_

_Dinner is in the oven for when everyone__ gets home just set it to heat_

_Miss you loads while were gone__, sorry about before_

_Love Ginny_

Well that certainly explained the eerie silence about the old house. They must have thought he had gone out or maybe they knew what he had been doing in the parlour and wisely chosen to leave him alone. Either way it didn't really matter, but he had spent much of the day in his own company, now he wanted to do something. Going to the Burrow was out of the question for a number of reasons.

One: He liked all of his limbs, and certain appendages, attached to his person; they were after all no use to him if they happened to be used instead of a bludger when the other Weasley's found out what he had been up to.

Two: Ginny, not always being the observant one, probably didn't read Remus's letter before scribbling her own, therefore not realising that having Harry and Draco in the same room together when they were fighting (and judging by the noise that had floated up to him as his fellow housemates had tried in vain to intervene, they hadn't made up) was not a very good idea. And when a competition became involved it got even worse. He was very glad not to have to witness the scene that was bound to occur when the two realised they were both at the Burrow.

Three: Ginny had mentioned Fire Whisky and although he was partial to the odd drink here and there his girls weren't. He had learnt from experience that Fire Whisky was an aphrodisiac for them; Ginny more so than Hermione. He didn't think the Weasley boys would enjoy seeing their sister hanging off him attempting to get into his pants. Which bought him back to point number one – Sirius Black enjoyed having all his body parts attached and therefore was not going to the Burrow.

So now as he swung off the fridge door looking at the meagre offerings it held he couldn't for the life of him figure out what he wanted to do. He grabbed a handful of grapes and was munching thoughtfully looking out the kitchen window at their over grown back garden. Ginny had cleared the back corner and planted a rather extensive herb patch when she had first moved in, but the rest was uncultivated and rather shabby looking. Just as his mother had liked it; a thought struck him, as thoughts do when you are bored out of your mind, and he grinned to himself in a very Slytherin fashion.

Stepping out the backdoor and ambling down the few steps onto the grass he rolled up his sleeves and looked around, assessing his options. Taking his wand out of his back pocket he flicked a wrist toward one overgrown blackberry bush and it crumbled before his eyes to dirt. He did the same for most of the garden, being careful to not hit Ginny's section and was soon satisfied with his results. Now if he remembered some of herbology lessons all he had to do was pick some of the existing plant he wanted to duplicate and plant it before muttering '_convalesco'_. As soon as the words left his mouth the whole flower bed sprang up with fully grown herbs.

He looked at the sad patch of grass that nobody ever used and decided it should serve another purpose.

"_Cavus Cavum_," he cried pointing at the large patch of earth. It suddenly cracked and seemed to suck in on itself before reveal a deep hole. He smiled at his handy work – he really should have taken up gardening years ago, this was just too easy. Looking around the garden he search for something that wouldn't be missed and found he had unearthed an old gardening tool from when someone must have had something growing. Knowing his mother it would have been poisonous. He threw it in the centre of the large pit and concentrated hard before performing several quick flicks of his wand that would have made McGonagall proud.

The little wooden and metal tool began to morph shape and in a matter of second he had himself a sunken hot tub. He spent the next half hour finding small sticks to transfigure into planks of wood before making a rather stylish looking deck to go around it. He found the old discarded hose and began to fill his master piece. He began to think that if the others left him on his own more often then maybe he might end up renovating the whole house, just to piss off his mother. He knew Hermione and Remus would disapprove of his reasoning, but hell, who could turn down a hot tub in the backyard?

It was starting to get dark as he stood there waiting impatiently for the tub to fill and he looked around the garden trying to pin point what was missing; then it hit him – faerie lights. He rushed inside to find one of many books on magical creatures and found one of Remus's old school books. Flicking frantically he found what he was looking for: _How to attract Faeries into your garden in three easy steps._

_Make sure you have a living healthy garden for them to live_

_Place cream cakes out as an offering of good will_

_Walk around your garden three times saying 'faeries come and get it,'_

Sirius raised and eyebrow and hoped that none of the neighbors chose to look out the window when he was doing this. He rushed downstairs and threw open the fridge searching for cream cakes. Nothing. He practically wrenched the pantry door off and the closest thing he found to cream cakes in there was a pack of Oreo's. Shrugging to himself he figured, close enough.

Taking the chocolate biscuits outside with him, he twisted the tops off a few and dropped the cream sides into the garden. He shoved the plain chocolate sides in his mouth and began to walk around mumbling around a full mouth "Faeries come and get it",

That was how Hermione found him and all he could do was grin sheepishly around a mouth full of slowly disintegrating baked goods while she looked at him as if he had gone mad.

"Do I really want to know?" she asked, obviously straining not to laugh. He shook his head no and quickly finished his third lap, hurrying through the last of the spell before forcing the lump of biscuits down his throat.

"Sirius Black I worry about you sometimes," she said, sitting on the steps and watching as one by one the tiny glowing faeries entered their new back garden.

"What? You're not going to say anything about my handy work?" he asked slightly offended. He went to turn off the house before the tub overflowed and came to sit beside her.

"It's very nice. What prompted a complete backyard renovation?" she asked dropping her head wearily to his shoulder. She had obviously had a hard day down at the Ministry.

"They left me on my own", he shrugged. It was now completely dark except for the twinkling faerie lights, the air still warm from the sunny day. She laughed gently and kissed his cheek.

"Well now that it's done we may as well enjoy it," she said standing up and pulling off her robes. Sirius did the same and they soon had a pile of clothes in one corner of the decking. He flicked his wand at the water to warm it and climbed in watching as Hermione removed her underwear and sunk into the water with a groan.

He moved behind her and began to massage her shoulders, letting her rest between his legs.

"Bad day?" he asked, working out a particularly tough knot.

"You could say that, twelve reports of misuse today and a headless chicken was literally running around the office for the better part of the afternoon," she moved her head to one side indicating that it wanted attention. Sirius was more than happy to comply.

"What did you do about the chicken?" he asked quietly, enjoying the sheer tranquility of the moment.

"Chased it around trying to stun it. It destroyed most of the office before Fred and George, who had come to see if I wanted to come and referee the Quidditch match, managed to catch it on its way past the door," she explained.

"The boys do have their uses sometimes," he muttered, Hermione didn't answer and he thought she might have fallen asleep for a moment before she turned in his arms and kissed him gently.

"Thank you," she whispered against his lips

"For what?" he asked kissing her briefly just so he could feel the tingles go up his spine again

"For just being you, this was just what I needed after the day I've had," she said between even more kisses

"My pleasure, I will strive to be me from now on," he grinned, Hermione laughed and slipped her arms around his neck deepening the kiss and groaning as he applied pressure to her aching back muscles.

He grabbed her calves and parted her legs so she was straddling him and let one hand wander to caress her folds. She shuddered and slipped her tongue into his mouth, caressing the walls before withdrawing and nibbling on his lips.

"Sirius, I need you," she whispered moving to kiss his neck as his fingers entered to test her readiness. They both felt his arousal buck between them and she took it in one small talented hand and guided him to her core. She looked into his eyes as she slowly impaled herself upon his length. He gripped her hips and clenched his jaw as her scalding heat surrounded him, fitting him like glove.

Hermione rotated her hips in a perfect circle before rolling back the opposite way, Sirius let his head drop back against the hot tubs edge and the veins strained on his neck as he fought the urge to take over and thrust into her until she was hoarse from screaming. Hermione sensed his blight and gripped his shoulders for support before lifting herself off him an inch before sliding back down, this time hitting deeper than before. She set up a quick pace, barely moving on his length causing a hot friction between them and Sirius craved her deeper plunges, but she wasn't going to give.

She continued to tease him, taking his bottom lip between her teeth and biting down as her desire mounted. Sirius had a bruising grip on her hips as her movements became smaller and she was just rocking against him. Suddenly she stopped moving and just sat there, Sirius let out a groan of sheer frustration and opened his eyes to glare at her. She smirked and without blinking an eye lifted herself off him till just the very tip of his penis rested within her, she winked and plunged back down causing them both to cry out. The long minutes of intense friction she had subjected them too had left her extremely tight and so hot it almost burnt.

She repeated this and in a few short strokes her whole body tensed and she threw back her head to let out a satisfied cry as the orgasmic waves rolled over her. She was beautiful to behold and Sirius continued to pound into her until he too was lost in the unbelievable release. Hermione collapsed against his chest, out of breath and utterly limp and Sirius couldn't have thought up a better way to christen his new hot tub.

His stomach let out a loud rumble and they both look down. Sirius shrugged.

"I'm a growing boy", he grinned and Hermione stood unsteadily and held out her hand to help him up.

"Then we best get you some food," she said leading the way inside.

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	9. Black Coffee

Black Coffee

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Sirius followed Hermione inside, pulling his robes over his now shivering body, Hermione doing the same and closing the back door against the now cool night air.

The house was still empty from the sounds of it and Sirius couldn't help but feel grateful that he wasn't present at the Burrow when Remus turned up with Harry in tow and the fight between he and Draco would continue. He had seen those boys fight for weeks on end and it wasn't pretty.

Hermione put a kettle full of water on the stove to boil and set about making herself some tea. Her rustling around the kitchen was calming and familiar; Sirius decided he liked his house when it was quiet and just the two of them.

On her way to the pantry on the other side of the kitchen she had to pass where he sat at the head of the table and he slung and arm around her waist and pulled her to him. She squealed when she was suddenly stopped and braced her hands on his shoulders to stop her forward momentum.

Sirius buried his head between her breasts and took a deep breath, enjoying the feel of a soft woman's curves pressed against him this way.

"Sirius! Stop messing around," she complained wriggling out of his arms and turning back to get the ground coffee beans from the pantry, but not before Sirius managed to swat her behind playfully. She squealed again and tried to dodge his wandering hands as the kettle began to whistle. With quick efficient movements she removed the screaming pot and managed to fill the high tech coffee maker at the same time.

Sirius's eyes followed her like a hawk as she made them some ham and pickle salad sandwiches and by the time she was setting them on the table their hot drinks were ready. She was just lifting her snack to her mouth when a loud knocking was heard from the front of the house.

"I'll get it," she said, drawing her wand and moving out of the kitchen into the black hallway. Sirius heard a small commotion and hoped that they kept it down, not wanting to fight with his mother when he had been having such a peaceful evening.

Hermione's foot came into view when she kicked the kitchen door open with her foot carrying a pair of legs. Remus soon emerged and Sirius almost laughed when he saw the way they carried a singing Ginny between them.

"A little help Pads, she's heavier than she looks," Remus puffed shuffling toward the table. Sirius jumped up and pulled a chair back, helping them dump the girl and attempting to get her to sit up right.

"Do you know that song Siri?" She slurred looking up at him with drunken admiration, her small hand came up to rest heavily on his chest as she fought to stay in the chair.

"What song?" he asked confused and Remus groaned to his side.

"You know that song," she rolled her eyes at his supposed stupidity.

"Just don't get her started please," Remus begged in a harsh whisper, "If I hear her sing it one more time I'm going to stuff my ears with un-stickable glue," Ginny turned to mock glare at him.

"You said you liked me song," she pouted, the effect was lost when she slipped straight into Sirius, if he had not been standing there she would have hit her head on the table.

"Oh, I do, I do Ginny. You just can't have too much of a good thing," the werewolf lied backing away from her.

"Remus, can you go and get the sober-up potion from the lab? We can't leave her like this, she's going to hurt herself," Hermione said grabbing onto Ginny's arm before she hit her head on the table.

Remus left the room at a run as Hermione and Sirius exchanged a look over the unruly red head, each holding an arm so she stayed immobile. Neither of them particularly wanted to be covered in vomit.

Remus returned a few minutes later shaking his head, "None left … I'm afraid someone used the last of it the other day," he said shooting a look at Sirius, who had indeed downed the last of the supply the morning after he had been discovered as the two-timing man whore he was.

"Well it should only take half an hour to brew if we work together," Hermione sighed and shoved her best friend toward her lover, "Look after her while were gone?" she asked sweetly before following Remus out of the kitchen toward the basement which had been converted into a lab before Sirius could protest being made baby-sitter.

Sirius looked down at Ginny, who had her eyes closed and was humming under her breath the words _'something wicked this way comes,_' the only thing discernible in her occasional mutterings.

"Sooo," Sirius said sitting down on the chair next to her as she snuggled into his chest, "Good match?" he asked

"Aha, we never got to finish though," she sighed wistfully and he caught a whiff of her whisky laced breath – she must have drunk enough to knock out a grown elephant.

"Why not?" he asked curiously, stroking her hair out of habit,

"Well you see Ronnie-kin's and Remus brought Harry over and the moment Draco saw him he flew right at his head, so mum started yelling and the boys started laughing and dad was trying to stop them …" she seemed to loose her train of thought at this point and Sirius waited expectantly for the rest.

"And then what happened?" he prodded a minute later; he was sure for a minute there she had fallen asleep with her eyes open.

"Oh and then … then um … oh yeah, we all thought they were wrestling when all we hear is Harry moan and then Draco had his hands up his shirt and the next thing you know mum is dragging us all inside away from the show. And you can't play Quidditch if your seekers are making sweet sweet love on the pitch," she told him matter-of-factly nodding her head for emphasis.

"No I suppose you can't," Sirius chuckled, happy his godson wasn't going to be a pain in the arse for the next week; Draco on the other hand was a pain in the arse period so it didn't really matter what was going on with him.

"Then what did you do?" Sirius asked, he might as well ask her, he had nothing else to do while he sat here. He picked up his sandwich while he waited for her brain to come up to speed and realise his question garnered a response.

"Then me and the boys played a drinking game," she said with a giggle and hiccup.

"What kind of a game?" wow this sandwich was amazing, he thought to himself.

"Never ever, I think it's called. Anyway did you know that Bill had slept with three different women in one night?" she asked sounding as if Bill had committed murder with a wooden spoon; it was a mixture of awe and disapproval.

"Really?" he gasped trying to sound a little bit sincere, but he had been there on that particular pub crawl and had seen Bill work his magic on the unsuspecting women.

"Yep," Ginny continued, "And the twins once dated the same girl at the same time, she didn't know there were two of them," she hiccupped again and slid a little further down the seat, soon her head would be where her arse was supposed to be. Sirius continued to munch on his sandwich with seeming nonchalance, processing this new information about the infamous pranksters.

"And then Remus came in just as it was my turn and said it was time to go home … he's such a party pooper sometimes," she complained, and Sirius could just guess what she was about to reveal to her six over-protective brothers. He supposed he should thank Remus when he came back, it wasn't everyday your best friend stopped you from being castrated by a small mob of angry red heads who would only be too happy to show you all one hundred and forty seven ways to kill a person with a paper clip.

He was just taking a sip of scalding black coffee when gravity finally kicked in and Ginny made contact with the cold wooden floor, she didn't seem to notice however and grinned up at him from under the table cloth. She shuffled a bit and plunked herself down between his legs, using his thighs as armrests.

"This is nice," she observed, Sirius picked up the other half of his sandwich and didn't reply. She ran her hands up and down his legs and he was forced to put down his food to glare at her. She continued to grin impishly and he caught her intent the moment her greedy little hands went for parting in his robes.

"Ginny I don't think that's such a good idea," he croaked, her hands were now teasing around the coarse hairs and his little friend perked up to say hello. He groaned and cursed his lack of self control.

"Good idea, schmood idea," she scoffed and encircled his semi hard member in her slightly wobbly hands. Sirius watched in horror as she leaned in to blow gently on him, causing shivers to go up his spine. He knew he should stop her before someone walked in but all he could do was grip her hair as she closed the distance and gently sucked him into her mouth. He was a weak man, a very weak man indeed.

"Ginny you should stop," he gasped as she slid down another inch,

"Don't wanna," she said around him, causing vibrations along his length, he flexed his hands against her scalp in pleasure. Who was he to argue what the girl wanted after all?

He heard a door close in the distance and it took him a moment to register that those footsteps were heading for the kitchen. He tried to pry Ginny off him so he wouldn't get caught but the little witch wouldn't budge. So he did the only thing he could do; he pushed his chair as far under the table as it would go and pulled the table cloth over her head.

He had no sooner returned his hands to rest tensely around his mug that the kitchen door swung open and Hermione rushed in. She spotted Sirius sitting alone at the table and stopped short.

"Sirius, where's Ginny?" she asked suspiciously. Sirius leant forward so his elbows were resting on the table and attention was taken away from his lap, where Ginny was currently circling the head in a maddening pattern.

"Umm, gone to lie down," he squeaked, trying not to flush with embarrassment and shame.

Hermione's featured brightened instantly and she walked over to the table and kissed his forehead, "Did you enjoy your sandwich?" she asked looking down at his near empty plate.

"It was lovely, thankyou – Ahhh," he suddenly cried out as Ginny suddenly surged forward to deep throat him. He had to think quickly as he saw Hermione frown in concern. He gripped the back of her neck and pulled her down to take her mouth in a passionate kiss. Oh, he was going to hell for this one; of that he was sure.

Hermione responded instantly and twined her arms around his neck to kiss him back with fervour. Sirius was suddenly lost to the sensation of it all, Ginny was pulling back ever so slowly but ever time she got an inch up she would slam back down, starting the process all over again and his tongue was playing a wrestling match with Hermione's.

He felt Ginny's moan of pleasure coming on as it thrummed down his painfully engorged member and he managed to groan into Hermione's mouth at exactly the same time so she was none the wiser. She pulled back after a few more minutes of heavy snogging, her forehead resting against his as she caught her breath. Sirius's was getting heavier as Ginny increased her pace but the other witch didn't seem to notice.

"I better grab those herbs I came for, Remus will come looking for me in a minute," she apologised but all Sirius could do was nod. She straightened her clothing and gave him a heart stopping smile as she rushed out the back door.

Sirius let his head drop back as Ginny continued to tease him, one hand now pumping the part of him not in her mouth, the other rolling his balls in one hand like marbles. He let the sensations wash over him for a minute until he heard Hermione's footfalls on the decking before she rushed back through the door.

She gave him a promising wink before she disappeared from the kitchen all together. It was a good thing she was in such a hurry too because it seemed so was not so little Sirius. Moments after the witch had left the room he felt himself begin to tense as he was granted release. He flipped back the table cloth to watch Ginny suck him dry, her little hand pumping him for all he was worth.

When he was done he pulled her up into his lap and kissed her thoroughly, tasting himself on her lips. Within seconds of pulling back she fell asleep, mouth wide open in his lap. He rolled his eyes, recognising her drunken behaviour before side apparating them to her bedroom before Hermione discovered she hadn't been where she was supposed to be.

He managed to get himself back into the kitchen just as he heard his two other housemates thumping up the stares to administer their potion.

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	10. Black and White Bunnies

Black and White Bunnies

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Sirius whistled tunelessly as he ascended the stairs to the top floor of number twelve Grimmauld Place where he could hear hushed, yet excited chatter and giggling coming from the end hallway.

He had woken up to an oddly subdued house and after discovering the kitchen empty - with no coffee and no Hermione waiting for him - he had decided to investigate. He wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that Draco and Harry had been missing for three days now. According to the twins they had just apparated from the back lawn and that was the last they had been seen.

Nobody was particularly worried, least of all Sirius; they all knew that the boys would turn up when they were good and ready. For all they knew they were shacked up on one of the many Malfoy properties shagging like bunnies. But he didn't think the giggling coming from the top floor sounded like them, it had distinctive feminine undertones but he couldn't quite pinpoint which one of his favourite women it came from.

Maybe Hermione and Ginny really were having a girl on girl moment this time and they thought he was asleep. Creeping the rest of the way down the hall he stopped short of turning the corner and remained perfectly still trying to listen carefully, gleefully rubbing his hands together at the thought of his dreams coming true.

"Oooh that's the perfect angle, stay right there," he heard Ginny squeak, and his eyes almost bulged out of his head and he had to shove his hands in his pockets to keep from launching himself around the corner and interrupting them. Maybe they would let him watch, he couldn't promise he would sit in the corner quietly with his hands in his lap – well maybe he could, he was sure they wouldn't mind if he indulged into a little self love.

"Hang on and I will just a move a little … there," came a slightly strained male voice that Sirius quickly identified as Remus and he had to suppress the jealous growl that rose in his throat, "There that's better," Remus sighed before letting out a yelp.

"Ow, what was that for Hermione?"

"Wrong angle for me," she huffed shortly and then the trio fell silent, Sirius strained his ears and used his sensitive canine hearing to pick up on the subtle increase in their breathing and the barely perceptible shifting of bodies. Ginny let out a sudden squeal of delight which was cut of short by what Sirius could only assume was a hand clamped over her mouth, whether it was her own or one of the other two he may never know.

"Merlin," Hermione sighed in response to something, her voice breathy with a very dream like quality to it.

"I think I have died and gone to heaven," Ginny agreed, her tone matching the older woman's.

"More like going to hell for this," Remus groaned and Sirius couldn't take it. How dare Remus fulfil _his_ secret fantasy, and why in sweet Merlins name had _his_ girls – yes _his_ – agreed to go along with it? He was going to get to the bottom of this.

He rounded the corner and squared his shoulders, preparing for the worst. What he saw only fuelled his confusion. Rather being locked in a passionate embrace as Sirius had believed, the trio were practically leaning out the window, their knees braced on the padded window seat and each vying for the best position to see whatever they were looking at.

Sirius cleared his throat but they didn't seem to hear him at all, Hermione let out a sigh and Ginny inched forward a little, momentarily obscuring Remus's vision until he pushed her hair out of his face. Sirius Black did not like to be ignored. He cleared his throat again, this time much louder and they gave a start and spun around looking quite guilty indeed.

"Oh Sirius, it's just you," Hermione said, almost looking disappointed before turning back around and leaning out the window again. Remus grinned and let Ginny back in front of him to get the better view. Sirius was once again staring at their backs; he pursed his lips and let out a shrill whistle. The trio turned again this time looking downright annoyed.

"What is it?" Ginny demanded, her cheeks flushed and her eyes flashing in irritation.

"There was no coffee when I went downstairs," Sirius shrugged and Hermione let out a small growl.

"For Merlins sake Sirius, can't you see where busy? Get it yourself." And with that he was rudely dismissed and presented with their robe clad backs. He approached them cautiously, his curiosity peeked as Ginny let out a small squeal again and clutched Remus's arm for support as she leaned so far out of the window only her legs were left dangling inside. Sirius nudged Hermione to the side and she grudgingly gave him room so he could lean in too.

Sirius's jaw dropped as he witnessed the desecration of his precious hot tub. Just three days old and his poor baby was being defiled in the worst possible way – by his randy godson and his insufferable yet equally horny boyfriend. He let out a strangled cry.

"Isn't it romantic?" Ginny sighed, moving in a little to lean against Remus as they watched Harry lift himself to the edge of the tub and spread his legs allowing Draco to swoop in, capturing his young lover's straining erection between his lips and swallowing him down. Of course all the observers high above could see was the back of his blonde head but judging by the expression on the Boy-Who-Lived the pureblood was doing his job quite well.

Harry's head dropped back and his fingers gripped his lover's head as he bobbed up and down. The naked albino gripped the others thighs as he increased his pace and the water lapped against their bodies.

The boy wonder's moans of pleasure reached the audiences ears and Sirius pulled himself together enough to close his mouth with a click, "Why are we all watching this … this blatant disregard for another mans sacred property?" he spluttered and Hermione shot him a disapproving look before turning back to watch as Harry let out a euphoric cry of release. The trio sighed at the moment.

"Well you see I was on my way to breakfast when I heard Ginny at the end of the hall and came to see what she was laughing at," Hermione explained, "Then Remus came to see what the noise was as well and now we are just enjoying the free show," she finished with a shrug.

Sirius shot Remus a look; he had always suspected his oldest friend to have a thing for other men; maybe not outright homosexuality but at least a certain curiosity for the same sex. And Ginny was pretty much open to everything and anything so he wasn't so surprised to see she had transformed into the ultimate fan girl; however Hermione was normally one to respect other peoples privacy, he wondered why she had decided to stay this long and watch.

His attention was once again diverted to the backyard when Harry stood shakily and stepped back into the hot tub only to be spun around by Draco and bent over on all fours. Ginny seemed to hold her breath as the blonde planted kisses down his spine before preparing him to be penetrated.

"Not in the hot tub, please oh please, not in the hot tub," Sirius began chanting, torn between covering his eyes in horror and leaning even further out the window to get a better look as the blonde man shuffled closer to his godson and thrust into him, nothing about it was gentle and their lovemaking caused the water to slosh over the sides of the tub and onto the decking.

"We can scorgify it later, now shut up they might hear us," Ginny hissed, not looking away from the intimate couple below. The moans and grunts increased and Sirius was just waiting for one of the neighbours to pop over the fence and scare the pair shitless, which would make his day and teach them to keep their private interludes private.

He knew this was a little hypocritical considering he had been sprung more than once this week with his pants down but it was his house and he should have some say over who and what got to deface it. Draco pulled Harry up and thrust into him as his godsons head dropped back onto the blonde's shoulder, his unfocused eyes half lidded in ecstasy. Sirius had to remind himself that Harry couldn't see a thing without his glasses on when the boy looked up at them for a brief minute.

Draco wrapped one long arm around the tanned torso and used his other hand to pump Harry's erection in time to his thrusts and their movements became almost frantic. Their voices raised so much so that if the rest of the house had been sleeping and not sitting on the third watching them they would have all been woken up. It was rather obvious that they were reaching the end of their tether and Sirius watched in horror as his precious hot tub was anointed with the full honours of Harry's manhood.

Without a second thought Sirius whipped out his wand and the others barely had time to get out a warning shout as he shot a spell at the recovering couple turning them instantly into little bunny rabbits. The girls gasped in shock while Remus burst out laughing, Sirius only grinded his teeth while the desperate black and white rabbits scampered to get out of the water.

"Sirius! How could you?" Hermione scolded jumping off the seat and punching his shoulder.

"What? They were defiling my precious hot tub; I won't be able to swim in that for a week – they deserved what they got," he defended himself, rubbing the tender spot she had just abused again, before he had even gotten his explanation out mind you. With a frustrated growl Hermione spun on her heel and stomped down the hallway before practically flying down the stairs.

The other two got up and followed her at a more sedate pace and Sirius was left to wonder if what he had done was really that bad. After all if the two wanted to shag like rabbits in his backyard then they shouldn't mind being the furry animals at all. He got up with a defeated sigh and followed the parade down the stairs to the kitchen where Hermione stood cradling the rabbits in a towel.

Everyone turned to glare at him as he entered the kitchen and the little white bunny looked like it was about to launch across the room and rip his nose off, he stayed plastered to the door to ensure a quick escape.

"Change them back," Hermione demanded, holding her arms out as if sacrificing the two wizards, the fluff balls in question continued to gnash their teeth at him.

He pulled out his wand, knowing he couldn't keep them that way and still potential get some tonight – he flicked his wand and a bright blue light engulfed the pair for a long second. They all watched with baited breath and when the light returned to his wand not one of them could remember to breath.

Instead of two naked men standing in the kitchen as they had all expected they were left with the rabbits. Sirius was in big trouble now.

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	11. Black Sheets, Black Shoes

Black Sheets, Black Shoes

"_Sirius Black_! Stop fooling around and change them back _NOW!"_ Hermione's screech made the bunnies in her hands cringe and parts of the fading wallpaper to curl. Sirius looked down at the wand in his hand and shook it a little as if that was going to suddenly make it perform better.

"Ok here goes," he sighed doubtfully but flicked his wand toward the two young wizards turned rodents. The blue light once again engulfed the couple and once again failed to perform its task.

"Sorry," he shrugged, refusing to meet the eyes that glared at him from every direction.

"You have got to be kidding me," Ginny muttered snatching his wand out of his hand and rapping it sharply against the edge of the table. Angry sparks flew from the tip of the wand in protest to the rough treatment. Remus jumped back as a spark barely missed his head.

"I kid you not my dear, I cannot change them back," Sirius responded, rescuing his wand from the tiny red-head. She crossed her arms across her chest and tapped her foot looking thoroughly unimpressed.

"This is not good at all," Remus said, coming forward now that Ginny lacked a deadly piece of wood in her hand, "We certainly cannot leave the boys this way," he mused tapping his finger against his pursed lips.

"Why not? I think this form rather suits them," Sirius said, flipping a seat around and straddling it, his arms resting against the back casually.

"Give me a go," Hermione huffed, placing the balls of fluff on the table and stepping back a few paces. Pulling out her wand with great flourish she swished it left then right and once again the blue light engulfed them with no results.

Sirius merely raised an eyebrow as if to say 'I told you so', Hermione let out a string of rather colourful curses while Ginny frowned in contemplation and Remus looked like he was trying to suppress his rather inappropriate sniggers. Harry and Draco shared twin glares directed at Sirius as if he was deliberately not changing them back.

"Right well, enough of this nonsense. It's obvious they aren't going to be returning to their human bodies so we may as well enjoy the quiet while we can – Whose up for pancakes?" Sirius announced cheerily, slapping his hands together with purpose and standing from his chair to start on his feast.

He was just approaching the pantry when he was struck with a total body bind. He fell heavily face first on the kitchen floor and struggles to throw off the unexpected curse. One shapely leg encased in knee length black leather boots flipped him over and his two favourite women stood high above him looking like they were about to help him along with his imminent death.

"I swear to Merlin Black, if you don't change them back you will find that Azkaban was a walk in the park compared to what I will do to you," Hermione threatened, fire blazing in her chocolate brown eyes. Squeaks could be heard from the kitchen table as the rabbits in question agreed.

"Now now ladies, I'm sure Sirius would have changed them back by now if he could. Why don't we all calm down, have a cup of tea, and try to figure out what went wrong with the spell and see if we can find a solution from there," Remus, ever the diplomatic one, butt in.

"Cant we, you know, take off a toe or something now we have him down?" Ginny grinned down at him evilly.

"Why would we want to do that?" Hermione asked, looking at her accomplice surprised.

"Just for fun," Ginny shrugged, and the girls shared the evil grin before turning back to Sirius's prone form in unison.

"That won't be necessary," Remus cut in as they advanced a little further and saved his oldest friend by releasing him from the body bind before he lost a vital body part. Sirius sat up gingerly and backed away from them before they could try anything else as Ginny turned and nudged Remus playfully.

"You're no fun anymore Remus," she told him before planting a wet kiss on his cheek and doing as he had suggested earlier and putting the kettle on. Hermione stood several paces away still looking more than a little put out.

"I have to go to work, I expect Harry and Draco to be returned to normal by the time I get back," she threatened and stomped out into the hallway, having at least the courtesy not to slam the front door.

"So um Padfoot, you were joking right. You really can change the boys back, that whole fake reversal spell was just a ploy to annoy Hermione … right?" Remus asked helping him off the floor and casting surreptitious glances at Ginny who was currently half dangling out of a lower cabinet in her attempt to reach a random flavour of tea out of her immense collection.

"I didn't lie Mooney, I really can't change them back," he whispered back furiously.

"I was afraid you would say that," Remus sighed plonking down at the kitchen table and holding his head in his hands, a look of utter defeat gracing his features, right down to his very posture.

The little black bunny saw this hopped over to snuffle at his hand in comfort, Remus reached out and stroked the rodents head and Sirius tried not to gag at the entirely too fluffy moment.

"Cheer up Remus, I'm sure there is a book around here somewhere that will tell us how to change them back," Ginny chirped in, emerging from the cabinet with a triumphant grin on her face and a packet of strawberries and cream tea bags in her hand.

"Yes I suppose there would be," he agreed, cheering up slightly at the thought of all the research he could do.

"And if that fails I'm sure Sirius will be more than happy to owl Professor McGonagall and tell her what a git he is in return for a cure," she added snidely before filling the kettle with water and turning her back to them, but not without one last evil grin.

* * *

Hours later Sirius became thoroughly bored with flicking through the ancient books in the library and left to take what he believed to be a well deserved nap. Remus had given him a downright nasty look from the armchair where he sat nursing his precious books.

Ginny had disappeared Merlin knew how long ago now, slipping out unnoticed with two balls of fluff clutched to her chest. Sirius didn't even want to contemplate what the youngest Weasley was up to and he could only hope that it involved several cutsie outfits and a disposable camera to preserve this day forever.

He on the other hand had been reading the latest edition of _PlayWitch_ between the covers of a heavy book on counter curses and had managed to fool Remus for a good three quarters of an hour before the insufferable lycanthrope had crept up behind him and threw it in the fire, thus prompting his current need for a 'nap'.

He trudged down the hallway and was already half way out of his clothes by the time he kicked open his bedroom door, letting one shoe then the other to hit the wall on his way in. He grinned at the plaster crumbling thump this exercise rendered. A surprised gasp alerted him to the fact that he was not as alone as he had thought he was, dropping his heavy leather belt to the carpeted floor he spun around to the opposite side of the room.

"Ginny, what in the name of Merlins saggy left testicle are you doing in my room?" He demanded of the startled red-head who had just jumped a mile out of his walk in wardrobe. Her eyes darted from his face to his naked chest, down to his partially unzipped trousers and back up again.

"Umm … waiting for you?" She asked as if he would know why she was in his room. Sirius smirked and approached the woman who was nervously knotting her fingers together. He didn't stop until she was backed against the wall and he was leaning over her, both hands on either side of her head effectively trapping her in.

"And what would you want with me little Witchling?" he purred down at her, nuzzling the side of her neck a little while waiting for her answer.

"Well, you see … I ahh … wanted," she stuttered, tilting her head to one side to allow him greater access as his tongue snaked out to lick from shoulder to ear.

"You wanted …?" he whispered into her ear before his tongue began to trace the delicate outer shell.

"You," she breathed turning her head and kissing him with unexpected force. He closed the small space between them and pressed every hard contour of his body to her soft one.

She gripped the back of his head in an attempt to get him closer but he continued to tease her by running his tongue over her lips, slipping only occasionally into the hot cave of her mouth. It was obvious she wanted more, much more, and Sirius was only too willing to give it to her when she began to moan her frustration.

His tongue plunged into her mouth and she gasped as if she had just emerged from underwater, recovering quickly to respond back. Her long nails scraped against his scalp a move that sent a thousand little nerve endings straight to his already straining manhood.

Gripping her arse and lifting her so she was hanging above the ground he encouraged her to wrap her legs about his waist as he walked, still kissing her, to his waiting bed. She fell back with a bounce and Sirius pounced on her before she had a chance to adjust herself, recapturing her lips and massaging her breasts.

She made little sounds in the back of her throat that drove him make and urged him further. Wriggling his pants off he pushed aside her robes as his other hand shot up her short skirt to remove her underwear. She moved her legs to his lower back, her heels digging in a little, as his fingers found her wet and ready. Thrusting two fingers in she cried out in pleasure pain and Sirius decided he couldn't wait any longer.

Adjusting their bodies so that they lined up he captured her gaze a moment before thrusting in. She was so tight he couldn't reach full hilt and he moved a hand that was gripping her thigh to massage her sensitive bud causing her to cry out in pleasure. He felt her inner walls relax around him and pushed in further, shuddering as she touched every part of him, scalding him with her touch.

"Sirius … please," she panted and he realized he hadn't moved but was instead looming above her with his eyes closed enjoying the feeling of being fully encased. He pulled back a fraction and slammed back in making her gasp for breath. He repeated this, moving out a little more each time until just his tip was sheathed and he was running back and forth inside her, causing tingling from base to head.

Gradually increasing his pace as well he dropped down atop her and tore at her robes, gaining access to her lace covered breasts. Latching on to one he suckled hard and Ginny sobbed as the sensations took her to another plain. Her nails left his scalped and trailed down his shoulders and back, leaving angry red marks, only stopping when she reached his firm buttocks so she could hold on for dear life as he rode her to completion.

Feeling her inner walls begin to clamp around him he rode through the tight muscles, hitting the spot he knew could make her see stars and grinning in satisfaction as he watched her eyes roll in the back of her head and her breath hitch as her climax hit her hard.

The witch beneath him suddenly found her voice and cried out as wave after wave of ecstasy rolled over her and the beautiful sight was enough to push him over the edge. Feeling his balls tighten he shifted up to capture her swollen lips, riding out his orgasm with her.

Ginny was the first to recover, nudging his shoulder to push his dead weight off her. Sirius rolled onto his back and stared blankly up at the ceiling.

"Ugh I'm going to have bruises for a week," she complained rolling out of bed and adjusting her robed. Sirius didn't look over her but instead grinned to himself, inordinately pleased with the afternoon's events.

"Stop smirking you idiot and help me find my knickers," she complained, her voice slightly muffled as she searched under the bed. Sirius was too sated to move and he continued to examine the cracks in the ceiling. He heard muffled voices from downstairs that he thought he recognised as the Weasley twins.

Ginny emerged triumphant only to see him still lying there with his hands behind his head and the smug grin on his face, she immediately became angry. "You really know how to treat a lady good Sirius," she growled, throwing the green underwear at his head before stomping to the wardrobe, bending down to pick something up and stomping out of his room, not bothering to close the door behind her.

Sirius raised himself on his elbow and stared at her retreating back with a frown suddenly remembering that she hadn't been in his room for a quick shag earlier. Rolling off the mattress he slipped his pants on as he hopped over to the wardrobe. His favourite pair of Italian loafers were sitting on the centre of the carpeted floor and he looked at the items that were clearly out of place when it clicked.

Reaching down he picked one up and gingerly lifted it to his nose taking a cautious sniff. What he found left him red with rage.

"Ginny!" He roared before stomping off in search of the little minx, bunny soiled shoe in hand.

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	12. A Knight in Black Armor

A Knight in Black Armor

* * *

Sirius slammed his way down the corridor, holding the soiled shoes as far away from his as possible, not that it smelled, but the thought of who and what was responsible for destroying them was making his stomach queasy.

The sounds of the family reunion were so loud that he could hear them from the second floor landing; it would be only a matter time before his mother added her own brand of family cheer to the occasion. He locked his 'don't mess with me look' on his face and marched down the stairs and into the hallway, barely pausing to push the door out of his way.

Three red heads looked up around the table, two rabbits chose to ignore his dramatic entrance, and he was certain he saw Harry roll his eyes at his godfather. Ginny bit down hard on her lip and took to studying the cracks in the ceiling while Fred and George looked at him with unmistakable mirth.

"Ah I see our favorite member of the Black family has returned from reacquainting himself with his hand … again," George announced loudly, Ginny at his side was looking anywhere but at Sirius.

"What are you talking about Weasley? I've been helping Remus to turn the love bunnies back," Sirius growled, not in the mood for the twin's antics when the fate of his Italian loafers lay in the balance.

"Oh come now Sirius old boy we all know you have been off romancing yourself."

"You're right dear brother, our favorite Black is very dedicated to releasing the hostages," At that moment Remus entered the room, looking distracted and a little confused at the sudden flurry of activity in the kitchen.

"Pardon? Who's holding who hostage?" he asked.

"We were talking about Sirius." Ginny informed him.

"And Sirius was denying the fact that he has spent the afternoon slapping his ham." Fred laughed.

"I have not!"

"Yeah right, we all know you were up there jerkin' your gherkin."

"Where do you two come up with these things?" but they ignored his angry question and continued on in their own little world.

"Good one George, I just thought of another one: Choking your chicken."

"I've heard Lee use beating your meat."

"Oooh I know, waxing your Willy, or even better whackin' your jack."

"Cleaning your pipes" laughed one of the twins; by this stage nobody was completely sure which was which anymore.

"Making some glue," They concluded in unison. Sirius let out a strangled growl before keeling over and transforming into his Animagus form; the better to get at their throats, he thought to himself grimly.

He snapped at the twin's heels and both pulled their feet up on to their chairs before continuing their idiotic conversation, effectively ignoring them.

"So what brings you two here?" Remus cut in over Sirius's snapping jowls, he took a seat next to Ginny and placed his hand over hers, and Sirius chose to ignore this gesture and refused to read anymore into it.

"Ran into Hermione at the bookstore today and she told us all about poor Harry, we had to come see for ourselves," George answered, patting Harry on the head and winking when Draco bared his teeth to red head, which went unnoticed.

"How is the research coming along? Mione told us to tell you she had no new leads", Fred informed them; Sirius stopped his futile bloodlust to listen to his response.

"Actually that's why I came down, I need to borrow you for an hour or so Ginny, I think you can help, and bring the boys while you're at it," Remus said, giving her a charming smile that made Sirius growl deep in his throat. Ginny finally looked over at him, mouthing '_sorry_' before following the werewolf out of the room, Draco and Harry nestled safely in her arms.

"Don't worry old boy, you can't have them all." George said with false sympathy as Fred got up and took Sirius soiled shoes from the table only to dump them unceremoniously in the kitchen sink. Sirius let out a whine as the water was turned on and half a bottle of liquid soap was poured in after it – the shoes had served him well, he would have to give them the appropriate burial.

Shifting back to his human self Sirius rushed to the sink to watch the leather float in its watery grave. Fred and George, oblivious to his anguish, were raiding his pantry and assembling a feast of sandwiches in front of them. Sirius dropped back into a chair and watched them moodily as their artwork manifested itself.

"Having seen your little _spell_ in action – " Started Fred, taking a bite out of a ham and salad sandwich

"– We have decided to offer our services –" George added, filching the other half of the sandwich.

"And what do you two think you could possibly do to fix this problem?" Sirius, always the cynic, asked as he selected a peanut butter and honey sandwich.

"Besides making available our widely renowned expertise on all subjects far and wide – " Fred responded flippantly

"– We have a theory –" They announced together. Sirius raised his eyebrows and looked at them expectantly.

"For a price of course." Came a voice from the kitchen door. Hermione straighten from her position leaning against the door frame and came and sat down on the chair between the twins, snatching a tomato and lettuce sandwich, and slouching back.

"Hermione, you're home early," Sirius observed, she had removed her dark blue robe in the hall and had on a tight knee length grey skirt and off white blouse. The top few buttons had come loose of said shirt and he happily observed the ample amount of cleavage exposed.

"No earlier than usual," she replied propping her feet up on Fred's legs looking quite content.

"Old Padfoot here spent the afternoon having a 'nap' he obviously lost track of time", George informed her happily while Fred snorted and Sirius glared a warning.

"Figures," Hermione muttered under her breath.

"So about this theory you have?" Sirius prompted them, anything to get his household back to normal.

"We shall discuss price later, but my brother and I have a bit of an offer for you – it may be the solution to all your problems," both twins had a gleam in their blue eyes and an evil grin that forebode of terrible things to come.

"Go on …" Sirius grit out, pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on.

"Well we were inspired by several things mainly, but first it was our love of causing mayhem wherever we go – " began George

" – And partly by the often not so amicable owls we receive from our patrons' parents and guardians – " explained Fred, rubbing Hermione's feet absently

"They inspired us to create a range that could not only reverse whatever mishap had befallen the poor victims of our ingenious products but also to make Weasley's Wizard Wheezes a more – " George looked at the cracked ceiling searching for the appropriate words

"Family friendly store…" Hermione supplied, most likely in on whatever scheme they had concocted.

"Thank you my love, yes family friendly – now the whole family can cause panic and chaos wherever they go."

"And you Sirius Black are out knight in shining armor"

"Huh?" his blank expression must have said it all because all three of them developed an even more sinister look.

"You can change Harry and Draco back to their former buff and fruity selves for the small price of being our test dummy," Fred explained cheerfully.

"What exactly will I be doing?" Sirius was becoming a little apprehensive about this whole idea, maybe he should just wait until Remus found something in his research and then he wouldn't risk blowing up his beautiful self.

"It was Hermione who gave us the real inspiration for its design, so she must be given some credit," Fred said patting her knee where her skirt had ridden up a little.

"Oh really it was nothing, just a little suggestion," she blushed.

"So after a little research we finally came up with this" George concluded holding up a small sparkling pink tube. He uncapped the darker pink lid and twisted the tiny key at the bottom to reveal what Sirius recognized as a chap stick, not much different to what Hermione applied to her lips every morning. Infact he could swear that that was her tube that the boys had modified for their sick purposes.

They looked at him expectantly and when just shrugged Fred removed a folded up parchment from his pocket and presented him with the prototype ad for 'Lippy Lifter'

"The lip gloss that lifts spells and jinxes – perfect for any parents' revenge," he announced.

"I came up with the original concept of a kiss, like with Sleeping Beauty a simple kiss breaks the spell and wakes her up," Hermione informed him with excitement.

"And I thought how much I hated mums sloppy kisses." added George, grimacing at the thought.

"So we combined the two and came up with this – One kiss with this stuff on your lips and our little bunny friends will be back to normal … at last we hope so."

"I have to kiss Harry and Draco?" Sirius said faintly, staring at the piece of parchment in his hands with horror. The three in front of him just nodded with glee as they sent him to his worst nightmare.

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	13. Black Hearts Run Free

Black Hearts Run Free

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Sirius paced the parlour, _back and forth, back and forth_, seven sets of eyes following his every move waiting for him to make up his mind.

"But why me? Why can't one of the girls kiss them?" he practically whined, running his fingers through his hair for what must have been the hundredth time since he had entered the oppressing room. The feeling in the air was almost tangible, a mixture of anticipation, excitement and underlining it all dread.

"We've been over this man; the one who cast the spell must be the one to reverse it," George responded for what must have been the two hundredth time since they had revealed their 'plan'.

Hermione sat by his side on the couch and Fred had wedged himself next to her so that she was dwarfed between the two. Fred had been rubbing his hands together in anticipation for quite some time now, his eyes never leaving Harry and Draco. She managed to look studiously curious, as if she wouldn't allow herself to become too hopeful that the project would work and she could avoid the disappointment that was sure to follow.

Sirius turned pleading eyes toward Remus, who sat with his hand propping up his chin from the arm chair on the opposite side of the room, he was either brooding that he hadn't come up with this idea first or just bored – it was hard to tell. Ginny sat cross legged at his feet, practically bouncing in excitement. No help would come from either of them he realized with mounting dread.

"So I just smear on some of this stuff and then BAM their back to normal," he re-affirmed, twirling the tube of magical lip gloss between his fingers.

"That's the theory, so let's get this show on the road Sirius," Remus sighed waving toward the waiting rodents.

Sirius applied the lip gloss liberally and smacked his lips together for good measure before approaching his godson who was waiting for him on the table that had been moved to the centre of the room. Although trembling, the little black bunny didn't try to run and seemed to draw all of its courage as it was picked up from beside its white companion.

Both squeezed their eyes shut as lips met in the most anti-climatic kiss to be exchanged within the house of Black in weeks. Everyone stood watching as nothing happened, the tall grandfather clock in the corner loudly ticking by the seconds as each of them in turn let out a long breath of defeat.

"You said this would work!" gritted out Sirius, who had gone red from embarrassment and fury, turning all of his anger to the twins on the couch with his lover wedged between them.

"Perhaps it just needs a little … tweaking," offered Fred, who jumped to his feet and snatched the tube from the table before Sirius could throw it into the fire.

"Oh by all means, tweak away," he hissed, and slumped down against the wall, folded his arms across his chest and watched murderously as the twins and Hermione converged around the table to brainstorm. Unable to help himself Remus quickly joined the hushed conversation. Ginny got gracefully to her feet and approached Sirius looking down at him with an unreadable expression on her face.

"Do you mind?" she asked, indicating the spot on the floor beside him, Sirius waved a hand which could have been interpreted as anything and Ginny plopped down beside him, following his gaze to the other occupants of the room as she spoke.

"I'm sorry about your shoes," her apology sounded sincere enough but Sirius only grunted in acknowledgment. They watched in silence as Remus and Hermione bent over a heavy text book and Fred and George scribbled notes on a scrap piece of parchment.

"I've been wanting to speak to alone but things have been kind of hectic these last few days," she whispered, leaning close to his ear. Sirius glanced at her wanting to retort that she had had plenty of opportunity but his words seemed to die on their way to his tongue when he saw her that her expression had turned quite serious.

"What about Witchling?" he asked turning his gaze back to the others again.

"Well us. I um, I wanted to save you the trouble of having to choose," she admitted, her voice barely audible. Sirius's head swivelled back to look at her.

"What?" he barked.

"Shhh!" her hand flew to cover his mouth but the others had taken no notice of his outburst.

"What do you mean?" he asked, lowering his voice to her level and searching her blue eyes for answers.

"I mean, well I was going to tell you earlier but well I knew you would react badly and everything has just happened so fast. Mum always said I should settle down and I'm not getting any younger – the boys will be happier I suppose, but you know commitment and me …" she trailed off and looked away; Sirius followed her gaze when it dawned on him.

"Remus" he said, feeling no anger just wondering how he could have missed it.

"Yes," she answered simply, "I guess you can be with Hermione now, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier."

"But … how, when?" Sirius asked, watching his best friend pull another book out from behind an armchair and opening to precisely the right page.

"As I said it was kind of sudden, but one minute I was crying over you, the next he was there comforting me and I realised that he had been there all along I had just been blind," Remus had chosen that moment to glance over at them and he notice them exchange a small smile – now that he knew it was so bleeding obvious.

"But earlier in my bedroom …"

"Oh that, I suppose you could call that a break up shag, it just wasn't meant to be Sirius," she explained before patting him on the knee and getting up to see if she could help her brothers brain storm. Sirius dropped his head into his hands and tried to block it all out. He was sad that she was no longer his but he wasn't one to become possessive. All good things must come to an end.

* * *

It was some time later when he was woken from his uncomfortable nap on the floor by a bushy haired witch shaking his arm. Everyone had changed into traditional robes of multi-hued fabrics and were setting up the room for some kind of ritual.

"What's going on?" he asked, watching Remus levitate an army of candles around the room and the twins pushing furniture against the walls.

"We think we have come up with a way to change the boys back, its not what Fred & George were going for but if this works then with a bit of modifying the 'Lippy Lifter' will be better than we thought" Hermione explained, excitement making her eyes shine.

"Does this mean I won't have to kiss them?" He asked hopefully, allowing her to help him off the hard floor.

"Um no, you will still have to do that part – but we are almost certain it will work this time, Ginny came up with a great idea and well … you'll see," she led him over the edge of a half complete chalk drawn circle. The table had been removed and either Hermione or Remus had drawn runes within the circle, Harry and Draco sat obediently within a much smaller inner circle.

Ginny was almost finished laying down the circle and motioned him to enter it before joining the lines behind him.

"Now whatever you do, do not break the circle," she warned, drawing her wand from within her emerald robes and levitating a basket full of cuttings from the back garden to her side before taking her place directly opposite him outside of the circle, scattering the herbs in a rough circle around herself.

"If everyone has what they need I think we should get a start," Remus announced, having finished lighting the candles, he moved to stand in a small circle of red candles, which matched his robes, directly behind Sirius. He saw George extract another piece of parchment and a self inking quill to take notes on the whole things.

Fred stood in yellow robes to his left, surrounded by a circle of oddly shimmering objects. Hermione stood opposite Fred with small copper bowls filled with water almost brushing her sapphire robes. Sirius began to feel a little apprehensive as to what was going to happen – Invoking the elements was not something one would use in their everyday spells.

"Now Sirius, we are going to link our individual energies to each circle so we don't have to hit the love bunnies directly, I don't think their poor hearts could take it – then I want you to draw the energy into your wand before touching it to your lips and charging the lip gloss, does that make sense?" Ginny asked, shaking her hair out of her face and avoiding looking at him, whether out of guilt for leaving him for his best friend or because she was trying to focus on the task at hand Sirius didn't know.

"And then I just … kiss them?" he confirmed, and they all nodded their heads. Taking a deep breath he reapplied the 'Lippy Lifter' then took out his wand and leant down to touch the chalk line.

"Ok, go," he said when he was ready. Ginny touched her circle, and the herb cuttings rose around her in a green spiral, taking her lead Fred did the same and the small glittering objects turned out to be a collection of wings from various species that came to life and fluttered around him on an invisible wind.

Hermione and Remus were next, flame and water spiralling high around them. All four colourful displays rose high in the air before sinking to the ground and following the chalk line. The display only lasted seconds before all 4 combined energies surged up Sirius's wand.

"Now!" someone, he wasn't sure who, shouted from the side line and he brought his wand tip to his lips, feeling it tingle all the way down his spine. It was now or never and he knew that he would be in trouble for the rest of his life if he left his godson the way he was. Approaching the inner circle he picked up Harry first, who trembled slightly in his hand as Sirius gave him an apologetic look.

He leaned in close, puckered his lips, prayed to the gods and went in for the kill. The occupants of the room drew a collective breath as lips met and it was a long second before the object in hand shimmered and Sirius went from holding a furry body to holding his only godson, the closest thing he had to a relative's smooth bare arse cheeks.

Dropping his hands as if they had been burned he took a surprised step back and wiped the back of his hand across his lips, "Don't break the circle!" Ginny cried as his foot brushed the shimmering lines. Sirius came to his senses and saw Harry hastily cover himself with his hands before turning back to look at his lover.

Sirius made to go and pick up Draco so he could get the deed over and done with when he was stopped by Harry restraining hand.

"I have an idea," he announced and took Sirius's wand from his hand to charge the remaining lip gloss on his lips. The boy who lived then shoved Sirius aside and kissed Draco himself. The effect was just the same and they were joined by an equally naked and thoroughly pissed off pureblood.

Ginny was the first to break her circle, squealing loudly and jumping into the main circle to embrace first Harry then Draco, the others followed suit and in all the excitement and jumping around Sirius turned to find what he would later convince himself was a figment of his imagination, and Hermione would convince him that it wasn't.

There, just outside the circle most of them now occupied stood his lover in the arms of not one red head but two and then arms became lips as she kissed one with more passion than he had seen in her in a good while before turning to the other and returning the favour.

He was mortified, he was infuriated, he was humiliated and worse of all he was it seemed the only one in the dark about this sordid little relationship as every else saw their public display of sick affection and turned away in understanding. But not before giving Sirius looks of pity.

Sirius didn't hang around to celebrate.

* * *

It would be some months later when the two women who had once occupied so much of Sirius' time and affection would seek him out on a late summer's afternoon. Both looked fresh and happy as they came across him relaxing in his hot tub, alone.

"Hello ladies," he greeted, over his anger, his begging and finally his cold shoulder treatment that had become unbearable.

"What can I do for you on this fine day?" he asked when neither of them returned the greeting, only sharing a look between them.

"Actually we came to ask a favour," Hermione began, twisting her wand nervously in her hands and sharing a look with Ginny.

"Ask away."

"Well you see, ever since Remus took on the role with Fred and George to develop all these new products Hermione and I have been feeling kind of …" Ginny began

"Neglected" Hermione finished for her, expelling a deep breath she must have been holding.

Sirius just looked from one to the other hoping against hope they were asking him what he hoped they were asking him. Ginny seemed to confirm this when she shed her pale pink robe to reveal not much underneath.

"We just wanted a little bit of attention," she whispered as she joined him in the heated water, Sirius smiled and could have sworn his dreams had come true when Hermione slipped out of her robes and joined them too.

Life was good.

* * *

**The End**

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